After about a year of dealing with it for my son, we decided to go scorched earth. Every single time an incident happened we would escalate it. Teacher, vice principal, principal, controller, school board trustees.
The most fucked up thing is everyone would rather just ignore it rather than deal with it. Make it everyone’s problem and be unrelenting.
A bully’s parents are not going to acknowledge any issues until they have to face some real consequences such as a threat of suspension or expulsion.
A story shared by a concerned parent highlights an all-too-common scenario: after enduring a year of bullying, they adopted a scorched-earth policy, reporting every incident up the educational hierarchy—from teacher to school board trustees.
While this method may force institutions to acknowledge and address the issue, it’s essential to consider its implications on a child’s growth versus the benefits of teaching them to stand up and defend themselves.
The Implications of Relying on Higher Authority Intervention
Relying solely on reporting to resolve bullying issues can inadvertently send a message to children that they are powerless without external intervention.
This perception might hinder their ability to develop critical problem-solving and conflict-resolution skills.
Children may learn to rely on authority figures to solve their problems, which can impact their self-efficacy and ability to navigate challenges independently.
Moreover, this approach can sometimes isolate the child further within their peer group. Other children may perceive the bullied child as someone who cannot handle their own issues, potentially leading to more social isolation or even resentment.
This isolation can stunt emotional and social growth, making it harder for the child to form healthy relationships in the future.
The Empowering Effects of Self-Defense
Conversely, teaching a child to stand up to a bully and defend themselves—whether through assertive communication, self-confidence building, or, when appropriate, self-defense techniques (martial arts) —can have lasting positive effects.
Empowering children to handle bullying themselves (with adult guidance and support) fosters resilience, self-esteem, and independence.
These are invaluable traits that can protect against future bullying and equip children with the skills needed to face life’s various challenges.
Empowerment doesn’t mean encouraging violence or retaliation. Instead, it’s about teaching children to assert their boundaries confidently and seek help when necessary.
It’s about showing them how to navigate social dynamics in a way that respects themselves and others.
This approach helps children understand their value and rights, reinforcing the idea that they are capable of standing up for themselves and deserve to be treated with respect.
The Balance Between Reporting and Empowerment
While escalation to authorities should never be off the table—especially in severe cases where a child’s safety is at risk—it’s crucial to balance this with efforts to empower the child.
Involving children in the solution, whether through discussing strategies with them or role-playing responses to bullying, can help them feel more in control and less victimized.
Moreover, engaging with the bully’s parents and the school to foster a culture of accountability and respect is essential.
This not only addresses the immediate problem but also contributes to a school environment where bullying is universally understood to be unacceptable.
The approach to dealing with bullying significantly impacts a child’s emotional and social development. While reporting may be necessary in certain situations, it’s crucial to complement this with strategies that empower the child.
By teaching children to stand up for themselves and navigate social challenges with confidence, we can help them develop into resilient, self-assured individuals capable of handling whatever life throws their way.
This balanced approach not only addresses the immediate issue of bullying but also prepares children for a future where they are less likely to be victimized and more equipped to stand up against injustice.