At what point do you consider someone a late virgin?
I let them define “late”, since the entire concept of a “normal” timeframe for losing your virginity seems pretty silly and has changed considerably over the decades.
Do you advertise it that way?
Yes! My ad has a special section talking about this – if you’re a “forever alone” kinda dude, terrified of women, ashamed of yourself for even looking at escorts? Talk to me! I can help! That kind of thing.
What do you feel gives guys that have struggled the most confidence in your experience?
From what they tell me, it’s just the opportunity to have a conversation with a woman in person where they can say all the things that have been bothering them and have me listen without judgment. I think that’s more impactful than the sex!! They get to experience being around a woman and not being afraid – having an open, vulnerable conversation, challenging some of their ideas about women and sex, responding with empathy to their fears. Somebody can TELL you with their words that women won’t all reject you and won’t laugh when you take your pants off, but you can’t truly believe that until you FEEL it for yourself.
So you’re basically like a sex therapist with a twist, where you give therapy, and have sex?
I wouldn’t claim to be a sex therapist since I realize that’s a whole certified line of study, but…. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t use therapy methods with my clients from my previous job/education.
Have you ever had a client that was hard at opening up? What was that like for you?
There’s one client where I feel like I failed completely. He was younger and so porn sick he had to hold up his phone to watch videos while I was sucking his dick. I told him over and over before we met to take it easy, don’t build it up in your head, it’s different in real life from what you see in porn. He was going through these scenarios like “pretend you’re my stepmom” and then losing his erection and saying “god I guess I’m just a loser.” Not listening to anything I said to the contrary or receptive to the advice I’d given before we met. I had to cut it off early and just say hey, best of luck dude, I’m gonna go. That one hurt. In retrospect I can see that his texts were mostly sexually explicit fantasy and not, like, actual discussion about what was actually going to occur. He’d ignore my questions and reply with something like “do u gag on cock?” I guess I thought I could help him understand in person.
What has been the most effective way you’ve made your clients feel comfortable sexually with you?
Here’s something I’ve sent to a couple guys explaining how it works: “To give a very general idea of what happens: you show up, we both giggle a lot, we sit on the couch and chat for a bit until your nerves aren’t so haywire and you can get a sense of me (and vice versa). Then I’ll start talking, gently, about the topic of sex so you can practice saying this stuff out loud with another person…. and once you’re not too flustered to talk about it, I’ll read your body language and probably snuggle up and touch your face to start? After that point, it’s up to you, how fast you want to go, and what your body language is telling me about your readiness to go further.”
How do you correctly set boundaries with your clients?
Honestly, the kind of guy who’s looking for a sex worker to lose his virginity is not expecting much. He’s thinking of it as a transaction and assuming I’m going to grit my teeth and tolerate his presence. Most of the communication I do is helping him get comfortable with the idea of me as a human who’s actually excited to meet him, not some distant concept of a woman. But basically they’re setting the limits themselves – nobody has come to see me thinking that we’re going to fall in love and run away together, lol.
Are your customers satisfied, and do you think your services are actually helping?
I’ve checked in with almost everyone afterwards. Some of them have told me that it’s affected their confidence and changed their lives – like they’re more assertive, people notice them more, they’re treated differently at work. Sometimes they just say “thank you for treating me like a human,” and that’s when I start crying.
I’m not under the delusion that meeting with me is going to 180 reverse a man’s entire life trajectory, but I think it can give a HUGE push out of the self-defeating anxiety nest.
Given your clientele, do you worry about them catching feelings or turning stalkerish?
There’s only been one stalker, and I’m not sure what I could have done to change the outcome of that situation. 99% of the virgins I see are respectful and understand the limits of what we’re doing.
How did you get into this work with this population in particular?
It’s a long story, but I ended the relationship I’d been trapped in since I was 15 a couple years ago and was too scared to enter the dating world. That episode of Firefly where Inara helped that boy with his first time stuck with me, and I volunteered to meet with local virgins on reddit for free just to hang out and feel a boob or whatever. After eight incredible experiences, and four of them telling me “you should seriously do this for a living,” I talked to my therapist about it and started doing my homework. Worked up the courage to post an ad, and…… to my shock…… men were interested, lol.
Do you find they are very focused on a specific fetish or kink that they have fantasized about for a long time, or is it just straight up vanilla sex that’s desired?
It’s mostly just that first experience of taking their clothes off and touching a woman’s body! If they have a big kink, I tell them that it’s best to do stuff the normal way first and then we can try getting kinky with it in another session. Until they know how they respond to sex in general, they won’t be able to consent to kink or say when they’d want to stop (there’s a sense of pressure just from being inexperienced, like once things get started a guy can feel too nervous to speak up).
How do you find your clientele? Like, how do you know that the dude is being legit about his inexperience before it begins?
I hate to say it, but it’s obvious. You can’t fake that level of nervousness when you walk in to see me. Also, very few men would be willing to lie about virginity just to “score” a discount with me or anyone else. I wish it didn’t have the stigma it does, but… here we are.
How much do you charge?
The virgin special is $400 for 90 minutes, $500 for two hours. This might seem like a lot of money if you’re not familiar with escort services in the PNW, but I can assure you this is below market rate and pretty generous.
Were most of your clients sheltered from the world due to their parents being overprotective and not being able to afford leaving their parents home as an adult?
This is true of some of my Asian/Desi clients, but there’s a whole lot more going on with that family structure and how it contributes to adult virginity.
Have you ever had a virgin client that was drop dead gorgeous? That was 6’2 and ripped with a great head of hair and extremely handsome face and the only reason he couldn’t get laid was cause of his personality?
I’ve had three virgin clients who were objectively very, very handsome by societal standards. One looked like Ryan Reynolds. They had received interest from women but were too anxious and self-conscious to pursue it and ended up freezing at the first indication of it “going somewhere”. Most of the virgins I’ve seen are what you’d call cute to above average. Tall, short. Muscular, skinny, fat. Chadmog jawline, round cheeks. Huge dick to average dick.
There is no consistent physical factor preventing a man from getting laid. I’d like to also share how many non-virgin clients of mine have had regular, healthy sex lives with civvie women and are also short, fat, balding, average-dicked or whatever other evolutionary disadvantage you’d come up with to justify your lack of success with women for any other reason than factors that ARE within your control.
What’s your opinion on dick size? Does it matter?
Speaking for myself, the sex workers who post on Reddit, and the vast majority of the women I’ve known, big dicks are overrated and can be more painful than enjoyable. Guys are the ones obsessed with dick size.
Also, honestly, if you see those ragebait posts by girls who are like “if he’s not 8 inches don’t even bother,” do you think they could accurately eyeball an 8″ dick? Do you think they’re just assuming 8″ is whatever seems big to them, or that the guys they’ve been with exaggerated their size? Yeah, some women enjoy being plowed by a big dick, just like some guys like really big boobs. But most guys are happy to see naked boobs no matter what they look like. And if she likes you, it doesn’t…really… matter that much.
What I tell my virgin clients regardless of size is that if they learn to eat pussy right, THAT’S how you win!
Do you think you have advice for men who are struggling to find a partner?
As far as advice, this is something I’m working on coming up with. Most of the advice I give is dependent on the unique dude in front of me, but I think the biggest thing is to put yourself in places where you feel like yourself when there are other people around. If you’re a quiet nerd and going to bars and clubs or Tinder to meet women, are those the kind of places where you feel like yourself? If you meet someone there, is she going to have anything in common with you? Think about the activities you enjoy and put yourself in those places. Don’t overlook discord or online communities, either! When you feel confident in yourself, even if it’s just when you’re doing a hobby, you’re giving off the best possible vibes for meeting someone.