My boyfriend (23M) and I (20F) have been together for a little over a year now, and things are great emotionally—we get along so well, he’s super supportive, and he’s honestly one of the kindest people I’ve ever been with. The issue I’m struggling with is that he has a micropenis, and it’s starting to affect our intimacy in ways I didn’t expect.
I didn’t think it would be a huge deal when we first started dating because I’m not someone who bases a relationship on sex alone. I care deeply for him, and I figured we could work through any challenges. But as time’s gone on, I’ve realized that during sex, I can barely feel anything, and it’s affecting my enjoyment and how connected I feel to him. I know sex isn’t everything, but it’s still important to me to feel that physical closeness and attraction, and lately, I’ve felt more and more distant.
The worst part is that I can’t bring myself to tell him how I really feel because I know it would devastate him. He’s already very self-conscious about it, and I can see he tries hard to make up for it in other ways. He’s constantly making sure I’m satisfied, but there’s this underlying tension where I think he knows something’s off between us. I’ve been trying to fake it or focus on other things, but it’s becoming harder, and I’m worried that it’s going to start affecting how I see the relationship overall.
I love him so much, but I don’t know how to balance my feelings about our sex life with the rest of our relationship. How do I talk to him about this without making him feel worse? Or is there something else I can do to help me feel more connected during sex? I just don’t want this to turn into a bigger problem and ruin what we have, but I feel really stuck right now.
Has anyone been through something similar or have any advice on how to handle this sensitively?
First off, I want to say that it’s clear how much you care for this guy. The fact that you’re torn up about this speaks volumes about the depth of your relationship. You’re not looking to walk away because of a tough situation; instead, you’re here because you want to protect this bond. That’s huge.
Now, let’s get real about something. You’ve got two different things pulling at you here. On one hand, there’s the emotional connection, the love, the kindness—he’s been good to you. On the other hand, there’s the physical side, the part of intimacy that isn’t clicking the way you’d hoped. And that’s where this conflict is really starting to get under your skin.
It’s totally okay to say that sex is important to you. It doesn’t make you shallow or less loving. Physical intimacy is a big part of any relationship, and when it’s off, it can throw other things off too. You’re not wrong for feeling that disconnect. But here’s the thing: sweeping it under the rug and pretending everything’s fine is already creating tension. And you know that tension is only going to get bigger the longer you keep it bottled up.
Now, talking to him about this is going to be tough. There’s no way around that. But honesty, even when it hurts, is the cornerstone of any real, lasting relationship. What I don’t want you to do is go into this conversation thinking it’s your job to protect his feelings by hiding yours. You can approach this in a way that’s kind, that shows him you’re committed to figuring this out together, but you still have to be honest. You owe it to him and yourself to lay it out there.
Here’s a way you could frame the conversation: focus on the co nnection between you two. Instead of making it about what isn’t working, make it about what you both can work on together. This isn’t about his body; this is about finding new ways to connect intimately. You might say something like, “I love you and our relationship means the world to me, but I’ve been feeling a little disconnected physically, and I want us to figure out how we can feel more connected.” It shifts the focusfrom what’s wrong to what you want to build together.
And don’t forget, sex isn’t one-size-fits-all. There’s a lot of ways to create closeness and pleasure that don’t fit into the narrow view of what sex “should” be. Explore other avenues—emotional, physical, even non-traditional ways of intimacy. There’s a whole spectrum of connection that might surprise you both.
Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of vulnerability. You’re scared that this conversation might devastate him, and yeah, it’s going to sting. But trust him enough to handle the truth, and trust your relationship enough to survive this. People can handle a lot more than we give them credit for, especially when they know they’re loved and supported.
At the end of the day, love means showing up fully, even when it’s uncomfortable. Don’t let fear drive a wedge between you two.