When I am staying with my parents and I hear the bed creaking
1. There’s an amazing Chinese takeaway place a minutes walk (if that) from my house and I often pay for deliveries. I can’t look the delivery dude in the eye.
2. I used to live directly across the street from a pizza place. At a cross walk. I would still order delivery rather than walk across the street to get it. The guy wouldn’t even get in his car most times. I could watch him walk across from my living room. I’m actually fairly fit. Just didn’t want to put on outdoor clothes. Yes I tipped decently. When it would be raining, he’d drive.
3. Rotate the batteries twice in the remote. Still wont work, watch Golden Girls marathon.
4. Sometimes, when I’m really hungry, I’ll just take a nap because it’s easier than making food.
5. If I have to put something fragile on the floor, like my phone, instead of bending to put it down gently, I drop it on my foot to ‘soften’ the impact, and then let it roll off the slope off the foot.
6. I have remote controlled outlets in my room, so that I can turn on/off any electronic device without getting out of bed.
7. My light is the opposite end of the room. I sometimes call my brother in, ask a random question, and say “oh can you turn my light on?” as if it’s an after thought.
8. Sometimes I’m too lazy to dry myself after a shower so I end up just sitting on the edge of the tub or standing until I eventually just air-dry.