1. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier. to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
2. Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
3. I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile…and how many times.
4. Nothing brings two people together like the mutual hatred of another person.
5. Every phone should have the same charger.
6. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
7. If anyone found out the one password I use for everything I’d be fucked.
8. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn’t the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?
9. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, “Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"
10. I had to walk to school 40 miles in the snow… barefoot” was good in it’s day. But imagine the sheer terror on your kid’s face when you drop “When I was born there was no internet
11. I saw a guy walking through two feet of snow in sub-zero temperatures to get to the florist. He must have really fucked up.
12. I think the best compliment is when someone who generally hates everyone decides that they like you.
13. Did any of the villains on Scooby-Doo actually break the law? Last time I checked wearing a rubber mask and being kind of a dick wasn’t a crime.
14. Who made up the unwritten rule that only losers show up to parties early? Make your grand entrance later if you want, but I’ll have had 4 beers, a shot, and double-dipped on the nachos several times by then.
1. Eating Through Anything – Matter Eater Lad
Alright, so it might be neat to be able to eat anything without consequence — those late night Taco Bell trips would be a lot easier, for one. But when would you ever really have to eat through a wall though? Maybe if you’re a superhero, but it just seems like it’d be a funny thing to watch. Especially when one stops to consider the truism that what must go in must come out. Not to mention, he wasn’t a cannibal — there goes any chance of using his powers to beat up the bad guys.
So I began freaking out because the pain was just unbearable. I thought I had to go to the emergency room because I just couldn’t figure out a way to take it out that wouldn’t hurt. So I did the next best thing: went on Google for answers. The best thing I found was putting baby oil to make the release easier but that didn’t help. I don’t think any of the links had to do with foreskin stuck in the slider. I couldn’t zip down because the skin was there and the zipper was zipped at the bottom and zipping up was just making it worse. So I had to do the most embarrassing thing, but I didn’t care at the moment, I went to tell my father. I took the picture before going to tell him. I thought it would be less embarrassing to show him the picture, even though the real thing would be in front of him. I buttoned my pants and went to their room. I showed him and he asked the same question all of you asked. He told me to show him so I did. He tried doing the same thing I had tried, zipping up and down. I yelled, my face was red, I felt hot and my heart was beating quickly. The pain was intense. My dad gets frustrated very easily and after trying with no avail and me squirming with pain he said he couldn’t do anything with me moving around and that I might just had to go the emergency room, which was the one thing I didn’t want to hear. After a while he had a bright idea. He left the room and came back with a razor blade. My first reaction was to yell, “What are you going to do with that?” He told me to hold the zipper and he cut around the area were the slider was. So now the section that was attached to the slider and my foreskin was free from my jeans. He then pulled the slider down and it came off the zipper. I then pulled my foreskin out of the slider and that was it, it was free. I had minor cuts but it did bruise and teeth markings (from the zipper) were visible. I hope that made sense of how he did it.