On the surface, avoidance and non-confrontational manipulation has its merits. It helps you to escape from being at odds with people. By playing the “pleaser” you can garner reciprocal “back-scratching” from coworkers and people you are networking with. In relationships, it will help you get what you want without needing to have painful conversations. But what is the cost?
When you look a little deeper, It turns out the “Ol’ Palpy” approach to life is expensive. Much more expensive than the payoffs, or the alternative, in fact. First, avoiding conflict never extinguishes conflict. It only delays it. And in being avoidant you actually inflame the issue at hand, so that when it comes to the surface, the situation becomes more dramatic than it needs to be. Second, “pleasing” always breeds resentment. The yes-man always feels ripped off because his true feelings are never heard. And the people being manipulated always feel cheated because they feel like they never have a choice in the matter at hand. Third, passive/avoidant types usually have bad tempers. This is because a) their feelings are always bottled up, and b) they become trapped in situations they can’t get out of because they don’t want to step on any toes. Fourth, this type of guy usually ends up feeling isolated. When your goal is to avoid conflict you can hardly ever connect to anyone deeply-because that would require a level of vulnerability that is uncomfortable and risky. Also, “nice guys” tend to be anxious, because they spend so much energy on trying to make everyone around them happy.
The ultimate casualties in the equation are our courage, and ultimately, our character. The guy who avoids conflict and resorts to manipulation to get what he wants is afraid he can’t get it any other way. It’s impossible not to become a deceiver when you live this way, and in dishonesty there cannot reside respect or integrity. The net effect is a new breed of men who have no inherent power outside of the shadows.
Fellas, it’s time we learn to take our power back, and in the process restore our lost courage, confidence, and character.
Check out the rest of the article here