(Photo by Bruno Martins)
I’m turning 90 and I’m truly and earnestly terrified to die.
I’m not ready.
I don’t want to die.
I feel like I’m the only person my age that wants to live.
I have my health, my independence and am in great shape.
All my elderly friends are all prepared to die.
They say once you hit 90 it’s anyday….anyday.
I like seeing my great grand-kids, I like drinking, I like being retired and doing whatever I fucking want.
I want to spend the next decade living life to the fullest.
I’ve only just retired recently after working myself to death for 89 years.
I think about it constant.
Every ache, ever pain I feel is this going to kill me?
I fear everyday I’ll die in a Hospital in a vegetative state shitting my self or worse live as a senile old man.
I want to die as a Man should, free.
But, most importantly I want to live long.
I want to see my great great grandkids, I want to see the future.
I love living in this day and age. I’ve always been tech savvy and theres so much going on it’s truly exciting.
Nobody understands my desire to live.
People just assume once you get old you’re ready but, it’s not true.
Death is final, death is scary.