1. Brother-in-law, not friend. But he makes the same jokes about poop and farts all the time. Like, constantly. Yes, some women like potty-humor, but they usually also want it to be funny. He is also very negative; finds insult or something wrong with any situation.
2. He keeps hanging on to the past and spending all his time hanging out with ex girlfriends who are unavailable, or women who like him but he doesn’t romantically like.
3. He really is not as nice of a person as he thinks he is.
4. Horrid halitosis. It actually has been brought up before, but he never does anything about it
I’m fairly certain that he has gingivitis. His gums are blood red and bleed easily. I’ve told him he probably has gum disease, but he insisted that he has someone in the family who’s a dentist and told him he doesn’t have it
5. I can smell them. Everyone can smell them
6. He lies to himself about almost everything. He lives in fantasy land. He thinks he’s in the gym five days a week, eats great, climbs mountains, goes camping, makes loads of money.
Reality – pub five days a week, over eats like shite, went on one hike in January, can’t hold a job and lives paycheck to paycheck…. If you were to confront him with this reality it wouldn’t even get through to him.
7. The type of guys she claims she likes isn’t what she’s actually attracted to.
She keeps saying how much she loves shy introverted sensitive guys but when she finds one and dates him suddenly “he’s not outgoing enough, doesn’t speak his mind enough, and is too shy!”
I kind of think she has this “I can fix him” syndrome and doesn’t really acknowledge it. Like, she’s attracted to the idea of a typical shy guy but thinks once they’re in a relationship they’ll suddenly be more open and turn into the guy she actually wants. That’s not how it works!
8. The people they like aren’t real. They are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. Now my friend himself has a lot to offer imo, but he is looking for a person that doesn’t exist. Hard to find something that’s not there.
9. She is so lovely. So kind, so generous, and so beautiful. But her crippling lack of self esteem is so huge it’s visible from space, and her anxiety (and I’m 99% sure her undiagnosed ADHD) means that when she’s at all nervous she talks at 100 miles an hour in several directions at once. It’s like being handed 8 happy Labrador puppies to try and hold in your arms. I so badly want her to be happy and feel fulfilled but even I find it tiring sometimes.
10. Not really my friend, but an old community choir director who I became friends with on Facebook. I noticed this about 10 years ago and I don’t know if anything’s changed since then (his FB account has been silent for years).
He was in his 40s and an attractive, charming, talented man in real life but he only internet dated, and I don’t think that was really the norm among his age group yet. His frequent social media posts were about 1/3rd music stuff and 2/3rds complaints, mostly about dating. From what I could tell, it sounded like he got a good number of matches, they just never stuck around. He’d post articles that talked about the positives of internet dating and then complain about how they were all wrong, complain about specific women he’d dated (granted, he wouldn’t name names), his job, coworkers, you name it, he complained about it. So basically, he used Facebook like Reddit, except Facebook isn’t anonymous, so you could easily match it to him.
One thing he often complained about was women talking to him on eHarmony or whatever for a day or two, and then suddenly saying they didn’t want to talk anymore or just going radio silent. I have no proof of this, but I’d be willing to bet a lot of money that many of these women googled him like you’re supposed to when internet dating, found all of his bitching, and ran away, God knows I would if I came across that.
11. Her standards are excessively too high. She brings nothing to a relationship. She’s a walking contradiction, all of which is why she is single.
I think it’s great to have standards and high standards but hers is just a checklists of “wants”.
12. It’s not his height. It’s his obsession with it.
He’s convinced women won’t like him because he’s short. I keep telling him I know plenty of guys just as short as him in great relationships, I’ve dated guys as short as him in the past. He just refuses to believe it.
There is definitely a weird short guy thing about dudes who become obsessed with it.
Like I get it’s probably been a stumbling block or they were mocked for it, but who hasn’t had something like that?
Sooner you can own it confidently, truly confidently, the issue really dissolves away for most people.
13. I always wondered why she couldnt get a date because she is gorgeous, until I saw her flirting with someone. First night they met, flirted, swapped numbers. Then, immediately clingy. Talking in baby voice to him and making baby noises. He made a completely inoffensive comment which she found offensive, and threatened to slap him. Not shocking at all when he never called.
14. Desperation. From laughing way too hard at mediocre jokes to bringing up marriage on the 1st date, she reeks of it. We have all tried talking to her about it to no avail. The sad thing is that if she was just her regular funny, smart, relaxed self then men would be falling over themselves trying to get her number.
15. She’s a beautiful girl, like seriously one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in real life, but she needs CONSTANT validation. No man on the planet can give her the validation she requires.
16. Lack of interests. He just is a boring person. He does some things that he started to so when he was a kid. But just because it is something regular. Like playing tennis with his dad once a week. There is no development and you cannot get him to do anything he’s not used to. Really anything. He has no stories to tell and basically no life. There is no way to connect to him and I am losing connection just because we cannot exchange about new things and we talked about the old stuff for 20+ years now. He’s just a kid getting older.
17. I’ve known a lot of guys in my life that don’t talk to women like they’re human beings. It’s absolutely bizarre. I’ll be having a normal conversation with the guy, and then a women approaches and enters the conversation. Suddenly, the guy is sucking in their gut, puffing out their chest, and saying the whackest, weirdest, fakest shit. Its like they think that a woman is basically a thing to trick into some kind of attraction.
It implies that they think of women as stupid/oblivious people that need to be manipulated into a relationship. Obviously, the women pick up on this immediate red flag and bail almost instantly.