Today I came to the realization that my wife doesn’t love me. She said she does but her actions over the years, show that she doesn’t. She loves the life that I have given her but not necessarily me.
My wife is a lovely person, whom I adore and treat like a queen. She had been working up until about 3 years ago when she was diagnosed with a disease. She would at times help with household chores when we first were married but doesn’t help with any daily housekeeping. She doesn’t clean, vacuum, wash clothes, do yard work, she pretty much just does the dishes and that’s it.
She doesn’t make much money now that she is on disability. She contributes little monetarily. The amount she contributes basically covers her cellphone bill and cable TV bill. I pay everything else each month. She does treatments every night but goes to bed around 2:00am and wakes up anywhere between noon and 1 pm.
There were many times where she wouldn’t do anything for my birthday or Father’s Day. I am giver and shower her with nice gifts for special occasions and gifts just because I love her. I mean I’m talking Louis Vuitton purses, bags, diamonds and nice shoes.
Sex is none existent and I’ve always had to initiate it. She would almost always have an orgasm and if I shot it too quickly, she would get bitter and I better recover quickly. She said she doesn’t have sex drive but to be honest she doesn’t have drive for anything that requires effort.
A lot of those things I could probably overlook.
The thing that really has been in the back of my mind is something that happened last year. Last August I had a heart attack. I was feeling bad when I went to bed and woke up at 4am with really bad chest pain. I went down stairs to find the blood pressure cup to see what was going on. It’s was really high. I started sweating, had a hard time breathing and sick to my stomach. I sat down for a few minutes. I looked up signs of a heart attack and I had them all. I drank some water and felt a tiny bit better. I decided to drive to the hospital. I know it was stupid but it’s a fairly straight shot and it was early in the morning. I got to the hospital and they fast tracked me through and started running tests.
My wife woke up at 11 and noticed I wasn’t home and tracked me on the find my iPhone app. She texted me and I told her I was in the ER and they thought I had a heart attack and I had all the markers. I was taking nitro and they gave me bunch of other things, which helped She came up to pick up the car and dropped off a couple of things. She then left and went to dinner with her friend. The next day I’m still in the hospital and I was hurt she went to dinner when I’m in the ER. I told her not to come up and well she didn’t. She only came up to pick me up to go home. She’s been in the hospital about 6 or 7 times. I would visit her every day when she was in the hospital. I would bring her flower and treats. I would wait in the ER every time to keep her company. I only missed 1 day and that was because she was supposed to be released and I was waiting till she was sprung.
This has been sitting on me for the last year, it’s not getting better. We had a fight that I instigated today. I told her how hurt I was and she said my feelings always get hurt. I asked her if her mother, sister or grandfather was in the ER with a heart attack would she go back home to be with them and she said yes. After that answer, I knew she isn’t in love with me, just loves what I give her. She doesn’t understand that she isn’t giving any back in return. She is like a roommate at this point. A roommate that doesn’t pay rent or help take care of the house or do much of anything to make my life better.