My 64 years old husband that I married for 33 years got scammed and they emptied out his entire 401K savings of $210K in the past 6 months. The worse thing was that he fell into the romantic pig butchering scam with 2 different scammers/lovers while I revolved my life around him. Even though we filed report to FBI, IC3, SEC, the money is a total loss since they have gone to the criminal organization rings in Cambodia and Myanmar.
The damage is permanent both financially and in our relationship and it will take a long time to heal. I no longer let him play with his phone freely and I have full control of the finance now! He owes me for life!
I wanted divorce him but if he ends up hurting himself or can’t move on, it will become more burden to me and the family. He has hurt me deeply and ruined our retirement plan.
Our relationship is broken and I can never treat him the same.
I am in pain every time when I think about the detailed chat history between him and his scammers/lovers. I can’t imagine what it would be like if the scammers were his real lovers (33 and 36 years old) I am having hard time forgiving him and forgetting about how he betrayed me with two adulteries . I am still in a lot pain…..
I am so sorry to hear about the devastating situation you find yourself in. Falling victim to not one, but two pig butchering scams is an immense betrayal of trust, especially when it involves significant financial loss and emotional infidelity.
It’s completely understandable that you feel deeply hurt, angry, and struggling to forgive your husband. A breach of trust on this level can shatter the very foundation of a marriage. The fact that he engaged in romantic relationships with these scammers adds another layer of pain and betrayal.
First, let’s be crystal clear: your husband didn’t just make a simple mistake. He actively sought romance outside your marriage—not once, but twice—jeopardizing not only your relationship but also your financial security. That’s not just crossing a line; that’s running a marathon past it.
Here’s my take: It’s time to put yourself first. This situation goes beyond poor judgment—it involves repeated breaches of trust, massive financial loss, and emotional betrayal. You need to protect yourself on all fronts. Financially, ensure that you have sole control over your remaining assets and consider legal advice to safeguard what’s yours. Emotionally, prioritize your healing, which might mean distancing yourself from the source of the pain—yes, even if that means considering ending the marriage.
Regarding his potential reactions or your concerns about his wellbeing, remember this: you are not responsible for his actions. He is an adult and responsible for his decisions, including any repercussions they may carry. It’s compassionate to worry about his health, but not at the expense of your own wellbeing.
You’ve mentioned therapy, which is a good step. But make sure some of that therapy is just for you—individual sessions where you can focus on what you need. This isn’t just about getting over what happened; it’s about building a strong, healthy future for yourself, regardless of whether he is part of that future.
However, if you’re contemplating staying in this relationship, it’s crucial to set strict, non-negotiable conditions moving forward. This includes both of you committing to intensive couples therapy and him taking full accountability for his actions, not just with words, but through measurable changes in behavior. He needs to demonstrate, consistently and over time, that he is committed to rebuilding the trust he’s shattered. Consider setting clear goals and timelines for these changes, and be prepared to reassess regularly. Financial transparency and a recommitment to your shared goals should be the cornerstone of this effort.
You deserve security, respect, and happiness. If those aren’t possible in your current situation, it may be time to make some tough decisions. Remember, you have the strength to face this head-on and come out stronger on the other side.
Stay strong