So you know that feeling when you post something on social media and you’re constantly checking how many likes or comments it gets? Or when you do something you think is awesome but no one else seems to notice or care?
Yeah, I’ve been there. In fact, if I’m being real with you, I’m still there a lot of the time. Craving that external validation, feeling like what I’m doing doesn’t really matter unless other people acknowledge it.
I think a lot of us fall into this trap, especially with how much of our lives and interactions happen online these days. It’s easy to get hooked on those little dopamine hits from notifications and positive feedback. We start tying our self-worth to metrics and what other people think of us.
Chasing external validation is ultimately a losing game and is just not sustainable. When you tie your sense of self-worth and accomplishment to what other people think, you’re setting yourself up for a rollercoaster of emotions. One day you might get a bunch of likes and positive comments and feel on top of the world. But the next day, crickets. Or even worse, negativity and criticism. If you’re relying on that external feedback to feel good about yourself and what you’re doing, you’re going to be in for a bumpy ride.
Plus, people are fickle. What’s trending and popular one day might be old news the next. If you’re always trying to mold yourself to fit what you think others want to see, you’ll be endlessly shape-shifting and never able to just be yourself. It’s exhausting and inauthentic.
And let’s be real, a lot of the validation we seek online is pretty shallow. A like or a retweet might give you a little burst of satisfaction in the moment, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that person truly understands or appreciates what you’re putting out there. They might just be mindlessly scrolling and tapping. Those surface-level interactions can’t give you the deeper sense of connection and meaning that we all crave.
Another problem with getting hooked on external validation is that it can actually hold you back from taking risks and pushing yourself creatively. If you’re always focused on what will get the most likes or approval from others, you might shy away from unconventional or challenging ideas. You’ll play it safe, sticking to what you know works for racking up those vanity metrics. But real growth and innovation often comes from daring to be different and not worrying so much about people-pleasing.
At the end of the day, no amount of external validation can make up for a lack of inner confidence and self-assuredness. If you don’t fundamentally believe in what you’re doing and who you are, no number of likes or pats on the back will fill that void. You’ll always be chasing the next hit of approval, never feeling truly satisfied.
So what’s the solution? I wish I had a simple answer, but the truth is it takes real work to shift away from relying on external validation. A big part of it is building up your own sense of inner confidence and self-assuredness, learning to define success and meaning for yourself. It’s about truly valuing your own opinion and trusting your own judgment, even when others may not see things the same way.
Another key is being intentional about the content you consume and the people you surround yourself with. Just like eating junk food all the time ruins your health, scrolling through social media feeds full of humble brags and chasing clout is going to mess with your head. Curate who and what you give your attention to. Prioritize real relationships and achieving your own goals, not winning imaginary popularity contests.
Look, I’m not saying it’s easy to pull yourself out of the validation trap. Like I said, I still struggle with it all the time. But I do think building that muscle of inner validation, of knowing your own worth regardless of outside opinions, is one of the most important things we can do. Not just for our careers and ambitions, but for our fundamental wellbeing and happiness.
It’s a process, but try to catch yourself when you’re slipping into validation-seeking mode. Pause and reconnect with what really matters to you, not what you think will impress others. Define success in a way that’s authentic and intrinsically motivating to you. And trust that when you put your sincere passion and effort into something, the right people will recognize it.
But even if they don’t, know that you’re still on the right path if you’re being true to yourself. That’s the real win, even if it doesn’t come with a trophy. Let’s try to encourage that in each other and ourselves – not more empty one-upping and self-promotion, but the deep confidence that comes from within. That’s what will lead to not just fleeting external validation, but lasting personal fulfillment. And that’s the good stuff worth chasing.