My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. I love my boyfriend, but he lacks social awareness and doesn’t have good manners. For example, when we went out to dinner the other night, he was talking/laughing extremely loudly, burping and farting. When we go to the movies, he talks regularly rather than whispering and makes commentary about the movie, which annoys the other people in the theatre. Also, whenever we walk past a group of people, he tries to be funny and says stupid things. For example, the other day, we were walking past a group of guys and my boyfriend was like “i need to fart” super loudly. Mind you, he’s 27.
I don’t know if i’m being overly sensitive or if his behaviour is childish and unacceptable. How can i handle this situation?
Dear Embarrassed Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend’s lack of social awareness and immature behavior in public settings is understandably frustrating and embarrassing for you. Burping, farting loudly, making inappropriate commentary at the movies, and saying crude things to strangers is the kind of conduct most people outgrow by the time they graduate high school, not the way a 27-year-old man should be acting.
You’re absolutely right to be bothered by this. It’s not overly sensitive to expect your partner to have basic manners, exercise restraint, and behave respectfully in shared public spaces. His childish antics reflect poorly on him and on you by association.
The real issue is why your boyfriend seems oblivious to social norms and unconcerned with how his behavior affects you and others around him. Have you talked to him directly about this? I would sit him down at a neutral time, not right after an incident, and calmly explain how his actions make you feel. Use “I” statements like “I feel embarrassed when you make loud bodily noises in restaurants” rather than “You always humiliate me.”
See if he’s receptive to toning things down and working on his self-control and social skills. If he gets defensive, minimizes your feelings, or refuses to make an effort to change, then you’ll need to consider whether you can accept this long-term. It’s no fun constantly cringing at your partner’s behavior.
Ultimately, you can’t force him to change, but you can and should advocate for yourself. Make clear that the status quo is unacceptable to you. If he’s unwilling to modify his behavior, you may need to modify the relationship. There’s someone out there who can make you laugh without making you cringe.