I need to share something that’s been weighing on me about my relationship with my girlfriend, Marcia. I’m looking for some clarity here because it’s a bit of a complicated situation.
Despite Marcia recently being unfaithful at a party, I find myself neither upset nor wanting to end things with her. This has completely thrown my childhood friends, Lucas and Brad, for a loop. They’ve always been like brothers to me, and they can’t understand why I’d stay with her, fearing I’m making a massive mistake.
Let me give you a little background on myself. I’m a bit of an introvert, preferring coding and anime over big social gatherings. I’ve always felt at ease in my own company or with a tight-knit group of friends, rather than at large social events. I’ve never dreamed of a traditional future with marriage and kids; instead, I believe as long as a relationship makes you happy, it’s never a waste, no matter the outcome. This might seem unusual to some, but it’s how I view love and commitment. Although I would never cheat out of respect for others, I also don’t experience the deep sense of betrayal that often accompanies infidelity.
Marcia and I met during college in a class where we initially connected over a group project. Our relationship grew from shared interests, and she was the one who asked me out. I was honest about my inexperienced romantic history and my unique views on relationships. We’ve been together for years now, sharing countless moments of joy and companionship. When Lucas confronted me with evidence of Marcia’s cheating, I felt no anger or jealousy—just an absence of the pain most would expect. We talked it over, and she was genuinely sorry, making promises to change, though I hadn’t asked her to because my main concern was about open communication for safety reasons, like STDs.
The biggest issue now is how Lucas and Brad have reacted. Lucas thinks I’m settling because of my low self-esteem, and Brad has even called me spineless, predicting that I’ll regret staying with her. Their reactions are rooted in care, but also stem from a more traditional view of relationships and self-worth that doesn’t quite fit with my feelings or experiences. Despite their worries, I remain content with Marcia. Yet, their opposition has sparked a tiny doubt in me, making me wonder if I’m overlooking a big mistake. Am I wrong for wanting to stay in a relationship where I feel happy, despite everything?
I hear you when you say that Marcia’s infidelity hasn’t shaken you, and that you feel content to continue the relationship. But I’m worried that your willingness to brush off her actions may be rooted in some deeper self-worth issues that are clouding your judgment.
Cheating is a massive breach of trust and respect in a relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re not the jealous type or don’t believe in traditional relationship structures. When your partner steps out on you, it sends a clear message about how much they value you and your bond. By choosing to stay, you’re essentially telling Marcia that her behavior was okay and that she can get away with mistreating you.
I know you care for her, but sometimes the most loving thing we can do for ourselves is walk away from people who have hurt us. Being alone for a while isn’t a bad thing. It gives you a chance to focus on yourself, build up your self-esteem, and really examine what you want and deserve in a relationship. The dating pool will still be there when you’re ready to dive back in.
Your friends are right to be concerned. They can see how unhealthy this dynamic is, even if you’re struggling to admit it to yourself. I know it’s hard to face, but I really think you should consider therapy to work through these self-image issues. You need to learn to love and respect yourself before you can have a truly fulfilling relationship with someone else.
I get that this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I’m telling you all this because I genuinely want the best for you. You deserve so much more than a partner who disrespects you and a relationship that requires you to shrink your own sense of self-worth. Be brave, put yourself first, and trust that there are brighter days and healthier loves ahead. You’ve got this.