My Mother is 65 years old and for many years now my Wife and I have been telling her that she needs to sell her house or rent it and move closer to us. She never has listened. In the past I have also told her there are things she shouldn’t be spending money on.
TODAY….she calls me and says there’s a problem I can resolve and proceeds to tell me she can’t pay her mortgage so to give her $5000 dollars. So as the finance guru I am I start asking her the real questions since she makes less than 30k a year.
I asked her how much is the mortgage now and she says it is $1600, not $800 like it once was. She says she only has $500 so I ask more questions like how much is her car payment, she says $600!!!!!!! And another $200 on insurance!!!
I immediately tell her that she doesn’t need $5000, she needs to correct her budgeting and decision making. I proceed to tell her that she needs to turn in that car and she says what is she going to drive so I told her I’d give her my second vehicle, a big SUV.
I also told her to call the car bank and have them skip a payment to give her a cushion but she stayed quiet every time I said that.
I told her to call me back after speaking to the car bank and she said OK but she never called back and I texted her, she didn’t reply like she usually does when she doesn’t get her way.
If she doesn’t listen to me she’s going to lose her house for being so dumb and irresponsible.
I understand your frustration with your mother’s financial situation and her apparent unwillingness to make changes. It’s clear that you care about her wellbeing and want to help her get on a more stable path. However, it’s important to recognize that you can’t force someone to change their behavior or make decisions they’re not ready to make, even if those decisions seem obvious to you.
Your mother is an adult, and ultimately, she’s responsible for her own financial choices. While it’s tempting to swoop in and fix everything for her, that approach rarely leads to lasting change. Instead, it often breeds resentment and reinforces the idea that she can always turn to you for a bailout.
That doesn’t mean you can’t offer support and guidance, but it has to be on her terms. Instead of telling her what to do, try asking open-ended questions that encourage her to think critically about her situation. For example, “What do you think is the root cause of your financial struggles?” or “What steps do you think you could take to get your budget back on track?” This approach helps her feel empowered to take control of her own life.
It’s also crucial to set clear boundaries around what you are and aren’t willing to do. Offering your second vehicle is a generous gesture, but make sure she understands that it’s a one-time assist, not a recurring expectation. And be prepared to stand firm if she continues to ask for money without making any effort to change her habits.
Remember, you’re not responsible for your mother’s financial decisions or their consequences. It’s okay to let her experience the natural results of her choices, even if that means she faces some tough times. Sometimes, hitting rock bottom is the wake-up call someone needs to finally make a change.
In the meantime, focus on what you can control. Continue to model good financial behavior in your own life, and make it clear that you’re always available to talk through her options or connect her with resources like financial counseling. But don’t fall into the trap of trying to save her from herself. She has to want to change, and that’s a journey she’ll need to take on her own terms, in her own time.