We all want our friends to accept us for who we are. Yet, how many of us actually show our true selves to the people closest to us? If you’re like most, you probably put on a bit of a dog and pony show, curating the best version of yourself when you’re around your buddies.
You laugh extra hard at jokes you don’t find that funny. You pretend to be into hobbies and interests you couldn’t care less about. You bite your tongue rather than speak your mind when your opinion differs from the group’s.
Why do we do this song and dance routine? Because we desperately want to fit in and be liked. We’re afraid that if we reveal our real selves – flaws, quirks, unpopular opinions and all – our friends will reject us. So we keep up the charade, performing the role of the person we think they want us to be.
But there’s a steep hidden cost to this inauthenticity. By constantly monitoring ourselves and filtering what we say and do around our friends, we miss out on real intimacy and connection. Our relationships stay superficial because we never get past the polite niceties and get real with each other.
What’s more, keeping up the act is exhausting and stressful. The more we perform, the more insecure we feel, because we know we’re being fake. It makes us doubt that our friends would actually like us if they knew the real us.
Worst of all, when we’re not genuine, we attract fake, surface-level friendships into our lives. By pretending to be someone we’re not, we end up surrounded by people who don’t really know us. The relationships are empty and unfulfilling.
If we want supportive, accepting friends who love us unconditionally, we have to start by being authentic ourselves. Yes, it’s scary to let your guard down and risk rejection. But it’s the only way to build genuine connections.
The friends worth keeping will embrace the real you, warts and all. Anyone who drops you for being true to yourself wasn’t a real friend to begin with. You’re better off without those conditional relationships dragging you down.
So stop wasting energy on an airbrushed, PR-friendly version of yourself. Give yourself permission to be the genuine article, even if it means losing a few fair-weather friends. Your true peeps will love you all the more for having the courage to be yourself. Those are the rewarding, fulfilling friendships that make life worth living.