My son is 22. He graduated high school with stellar SAT scores and was at the top of his school. After high school, he didn’t know exactly what he wanted to do with his life, so we let him have a gap year where he could live at our house rent-free so he could decide what he wanted to do with his life. What he decided to do was be a gamer person on Youtube with his own channel. I’m fine if that’s what he wants to do with his life. However, I know that it is a very unsteady job, and I would at least like him to get an education or a “real” job.
Whenever I try to tell him that he needs to get a real job or an education, he just scoffs and says that he will grow quickly and cites all the big Youtube channels like MrBeast. However, I say that those big channels are only a small fraction of all the Youtube channels, and that most channels don’t ever get that big. He just won’t listen. He says that he has a job, and that he doesn’t need an education. My wife supports him on this. And it’s not like his channel is big — it’s tiny, in fact. I remind him of this constantly, but he says that he will eventually grow.
I’m fine if he wants Youtube to be his job, but I would like him to at least have a fallback, such as an education or a trade. As for his living arrangements, he lives at home rent-free (thanks to my wife) with full access to Wifi, food, and vehicles. I don’t want to divorce my wife or take the path of eviction here to kick him out. How can I make him get an education or a “real” job?
Dear Concerned Father,
I can understand your worries about your son’s future. It’s natural to want our children to have stable, fulfilling lives and to make choices that set them up for long-term success. And it sounds like you’ve been more than supportive in giving him space to figure out his path.
That said, at 22, your son is an adult. And as much as we may want to, we can’t dictate the choices of other adults, even (and perhaps especially) our children. Pushing too hard or constantly critiquing his choices is likely to only create resentment and resistance, not motivation.
Your son’s passion for his YouTube channel is admirable, even if it’s not the path you would choose for him. Building a successful online presence takes creativity, dedication, and entrepreneurial spirit – all valuable qualities, even if this particular venture doesn’t pan out. The fact that his channel is still small after several years is concerning, but not necessarily a reason to give up entirely, if this is truly what drives him.
Your desire for him to have a backup plan is wise. Perhaps you could reframe the education conversation. Instead of insisting that he needs a degree, talk about how additional training could help him build skills to make his channel more successful – courses in video editing, digital marketing, entrepreneurship, etc. Frame it as investing in his chosen path, not abandoning it.
As for the living situation, this is where you and your wife need to get on the same page. It’s reasonable to expect an adult child living at home to contribute in some way, whether financially or through household responsibilities. Sit down with your wife and discuss what expectations you think are fair, then bring your son into the conversation. Work out a plan for him to start taking on more responsibility gradually.
The goal is to support your son’s autonomy while also providing guidance and boundaries. Let him know that you believe in his ability to build a fulfilling adult life, and that you’re there to support him. But also make it clear that your support isn’t unconditional – it comes with expectations of effort and progress on his part.
Ultimately, your son will need to find his own way, even if it includes some missteps. Your role is to be a sounding board, to ask questions that help him think through his choices, and to let natural consequences play out. It’s a difficult balance, but one that’s essential for helping your son grow into a self-sufficient adult.