I have never been in a relationship nor been physically intimate with anyone in my entire life.
I live in a very large city outside the US, but work as senior engineer for a reputable US-based multinational technology firm. I go outside every month. I go to a regular video games meetup and a regular community trash cleanup event, trying to talk to everyone and catch up with their lives and asking if they want to get dinner afterwards. I exercise after-work daily. I am attentive to hygeine and skincare, get my hair cut on a regular schedule, wear contacts lenses, wear clean clothes. I have created profiles on multiple dating apps, but at a fit 5’9” 140 lbs, I have never once received a like.
My close friends are a mix of men and women around my age who I have known for many years and we phone call every week. I am the only one who isn’t married or engaged.
My close friends all think that I have the most successful career out of the group and am most competant with manging expenses. If converted to US dollars, I would have ~1.5 million dollars saved up. And yet it all feels pointless, because I have no one to share in the fruits of my labor. No one looks forward to me when I come home. I live by myself. I cook for myself. I wake up alone. I don’t have anyone to raise, teach, and take care of.
Please do not suggest, “just live your own best life” or “learn to be happy alone”. I want to be married and I want to have kids. I’m not compromising on values.
First and foremost, I want to acknowledge the pain and frustration you’re experiencing. Longing for a meaningful romantic connection and the opportunity to build a family is a deeply human desire, and it’s understandable that you feel a sense of emptiness despite your impressive achievements in other areas of life.
It’s clear that you’ve been proactive in your efforts to find a partner. You’re taking care of yourself, engaging in social activities, and putting yourself out there on dating apps. These are all positive steps, and it’s important to recognize and commend yourself for the effort you’re putting in.
However, it seems that despite these efforts, you haven’t yet found the connection you’re seeking. This can be incredibly disheartening, especially as you watch your friends move into different life stages. It’s natural to feel left behind or like you’re missing out on a crucial aspect of the human experience.
One thing to consider is that while you’re doing all the “right” things on paper, there may be some deeper barriers or blind spots that are hindering your success in forming romantic relationships. It could be worth exploring this with a therapist or counselor who specializes in dating and relationships. They can help you identify any unconscious patterns, beliefs, or behaviors that might be holding you back and work with you to develop new strategies and approaches.
On the path to finding a compatible partner, rejection is an inevitable part of the process. Recognize that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Instead of viewing rejection as a failure, try to reframe it as a necessary step toward eventually meeting the right person. Each “no” brings you closer to a “yes.” Persistence in your social efforts and dating is key. Keep putting yourself out there, learning from each experience, and refining what you’re looking for in a partner.
Another avenue to explore is expanding your social circle and the types of activities you engage in. While video game meetups and community cleanups are great, consider trying new hobbies or activities that align with your interests and values, where you’re more likely to meet like-minded individuals who are also seeking meaningful connections. Focus on building genuine friendships and connections, not just romantic ones. Expanding your circle through friends and acquaintances can lead to more opportunities, including potential romantic introductions.
A crucial aspect of attracting a compatible partner is cultivating a strong sense of self-confidence and self-acceptance. When you’re comfortable in your own skin and embrace your unique qualities, quirks, and imperfections, you project an aura of authenticity and self-assurance that can be incredibly attractive to others. Practice self-love and self-care, engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself, and learn to love and accept all parts of yourself. In social settings, this self-confidence translates into an ease and comfort in your interactions, allowing for genuine connections to form.
It’s also important to remember that finding a compatible partner is not solely about ticking boxes or meeting certain criteria. It’s about the intangible qualities of connection, chemistry, and timing. These factors are often outside of our control, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with yourself in the process.
Continue to invest in yourself, your friendships, and your personal growth. Cultivate a life that feels fulfilling and meaningful to you, independent of your relationship status. This not only makes you a more attractive potential partner but also ensures that you have a strong foundation of self-love and self-respect to build upon when the right person does come along.
Remember, your journey is unique, and there’s no set timeline for finding love and starting a family. Keep an open heart, continue to put yourself out there, and trust that the right connection will happen when the time is right. In the meantime, lean on your friends for support, be kind to yourself, and don’t lose sight of all the incredible things you’ve already achieved.
Wishing you all the best on your journey.