So, you want to live a life guided by your values. You want to make choices that feel authentic and meaningful, and create a sense of purpose and fulfillment. That’s great! But there’s just one problem: you have no idea what your values actually are.
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. In a world that’s constantly bombarding us with messages about who we should be and what we should want, it’s easy to lose touch with our own inner compass. We get so caught up in trying to meet external expectations and fit in with the crowd, that we forget to check in with ourselves and ask, “What really matters to me?”
But here’s the thing: if you want to live a life that feels true to who you are, you need to do the work of figuring out your values. And I’ll be honest, it’s not always a comfortable or easy process. It requires some serious self-reflection, and a willingness to confront the parts of yourself that you might usually prefer to ignore.
So where do you start? Here are a few tips:
- Pay attention to your gut reactions. When you’re faced with a choice or a situation, tune in to your initial emotional response. Does it feel right, or does something feel off? Those gut feelings are often a clue to your underlying values.
- Look for patterns in your past choices. Think back on some of the most satisfying and fulfilling experiences in your life. What values were you honoring in those moments? On the flip side, consider some of your biggest regrets or mistakes. What values were you ignoring or compromising?
- Consider your role models. Who do you admire and respect, and why? What values do they embody that resonate with you? (And no, “being really hot” doesn’t count as a value.)
- Imagine your ideal self. Picture yourself at your best, living a life that feels meaningful and aligned. What values are guiding your choices and actions in that vision?
- Get uncomfortable. Some of our deepest values are buried beneath layers of fear, shame, and societal conditioning. Be willing to sit with the discomfort and dig deeper to uncover what truly matters to you, even if it feels scary or goes against the grain.
Once you’ve done some reflection and have a sense of your core values, the next step is to start aligning your life with them. This means making choices and taking actions that reflect and honor your values, even when it’s not the easiest or most popular path.
It means setting boundaries and saying no to things that don’t fit with your values, even if it means disappointing others. It means being willing to take risks and make changes in pursuit of a life that feels authentic and fulfilling, even if it means leaving your comfort zone.
And most importantly, it means being willing to keep checking in with yourself and adjusting course as needed. Our values can shift and evolve over time, and what mattered most to you at 20 might not be the same as what matters most at 40 or 60.
The key is to stay curious and open, and to keep asking yourself the tough questions. What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of life do you want to create? What feels true and meaningful to you, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else?
Figuring out your values isn’t a one-time deal, it’s a lifelong process. But it’s a process that’s worth engaging in, because it’s the foundation for creating a life that feels purposeful, satisfying, and truly yours.
So don’t be afraid to get messy, to dig deep, and to give a damn about what matters most to you. It might just be the most important work you ever do.