I love my girlfriend. I want to say this to establish that this behavioral shift is what’s making me reconsider things, and not deeply buried emotions or whatever.
We’ve been together for 4 years. She had a tough kickstart in her career as she started around covid time. But so did I and many others as well. I told her I supported her and stood by her side, at times when I too was struggling.
She gives up to stress so easily and doesn’t try her best, which isn’t a fault on its own. But then she just blames everyone and everything for all of it.
Now, she has a stable job that pays ~$65k with student loan around 25k. She quit 2 months ago because she didn’t want to work anymore. She wants to stay at home, do home chores, leisure and personal care, entertainment, and nothing else.
I don’t think she’s being particularly “evil” in any way, I just think she’s giving up after losing her big dreams. This just completely turned me off. I feel like I’ve lost all interest in her overnight. 4 years signals good commitment, but honestly, I can’t see myself appreciative of her anymore. I feel bad saying this.
It’s clear that you care deeply for your girlfriend and have been a supportive partner through challenging times. However, it’s understandable that her recent behavior and decision to quit her job have caused you to question your relationship.
It’s important to acknowledge that everyone handles stress and setbacks differently. Some people are more resilient, while others may struggle to cope with adversity. Your girlfriend’s response to her career challenges and the decision to quit her job may be a manifestation of her feeling overwhelmed and discouraged.
That being said, a healthy relationship requires both partners to contribute and support each other. If your girlfriend is not willing to work or contribute financially, it can create an imbalance in your relationship. It’s natural for you to feel frustrated and lose respect for her if you feel like you’re carrying the entire load.
Before making any drastic decisions, I encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Express your concerns and feelings about her decision to quit her job and her overall attitude towards her career and future. Try to understand her perspective and see if there are underlying issues or fears that need to be addressed.
If your girlfriend is dealing with mental health issues like depression or anxiety, encourage her to seek professional help. If she’s simply lost motivation and direction, work together to set new goals and create a plan for her to regain a sense of purpose.
Ultimately, you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If your girlfriend’s lack of ambition and motivation is fundamentally incompatible with your values and goals, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship. It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being and future, even if it means making difficult decisions.
Remember, a strong relationship is built on mutual support, respect, and shared goals. If you’ve lost respect and appreciation for your partner, it will be challenging to maintain a healthy, long-term relationship.
Take the time to reflect on your own needs and expectations, and communicate openly with your girlfriend. If you both are willing to work together and make changes, there may be a path forward. If not, it may be time to consider moving on.
Wishing you clarity and strength, Carolyn