We’ve all heard the saying “blood is thicker than water.” It’s supposed to mean that family ties are the strongest bonds of all, that you should always put family first, no matter what.
Well, I call bullshit.
Here’s the truth: Just because someone shares your DNA doesn’t give them a free pass to be a toxic asshole in your life. It doesn’t obligate you to put up with their abuse, manipulation, or constant negativity. And it sure as hell doesn’t mean you have to keep them around if they’re dragging you down.
But for some reason, we’ve been conditioned to believe that we owe unwavering loyalty and unlimited chances to our family members, even when they’re consistently shitty to us. We make excuses for their behavior, we minimize their impact, and we keep engaging with them out of some misplaced sense of duty.
Fuck that noise. Your duty is to yourself and your own well-being. And if a family member is poisoning your life with their toxicity, you have every right to cut them out.
I know, I know – the mere thought of it feels sacrilegious. We’re not supposed to “give up” on family, right? We’re supposed to love them unconditionally, to turn the other cheek, to keep trying no matter how many times they hurt us.
But here’s the thing: That kind of blind, self-abandoning loyalty is a one-way ticket to misery. It’s not noble or virtuous to let someone continuously trample your boundaries and well-being, family or not. In fact, it’s a form of self-betrayal.
And look, I’m not saying you should cut off every family member who occasionally annoys you or makes a mistake. We’re all human, and we all fuck up sometimes. The key is to look at patterns of behavior. If a family member is consistently toxic, if they’re repeatedly causing you harm and showing no real interest in changing, then it’s time to re-evaluate whether they deserve a place in your life.
This can be incredibly difficult, I know. Cutting off a toxic family member can come with a tidal wave of guilt, fear, and self-doubt. You might worry about the fallout, the judgment from other family members, the loneliness of losing that connection.
But you know what’s worse than all of that? Spending your precious years on this earth being slowly eroded by someone else’s toxicity. Compromising your own happiness, sanity, and growth for the sake of an unhealthy loyalty. Betraying yourself again and again by allowing unacceptable treatment from anyone, blood-related or not.
So here’s my advice: Muster up the courage to put yourself first. Have the hard conversations, set the firm boundaries, and if necessary, cut the toxic ties. Will it be painful? Probably. Will there be backlash and confusion from some people? Almost certainly.
But will it also be a profound act of self-love and self-preservation? Absolutely. And that, my friend, is always worth it.
Remember, you get to choose your family in this life. You get to decide who deserves a seat at the table of your existence. And if a blood relative is consistently shitting on that table, it’s time to show them the door.
Cutting off toxic family members doesn’t make you cold, selfish, or unkind. It makes you brave, self-aware, and committed to your own healing. And that is something to be fucking proud of.