(photo: Katarzyna Grabowska)
So, you’ve tied the knot. You had the big fancy wedding, posted all the obligatory honeymoon pics on Instagram, and now you’re back to normal life as a married couple. Time to just coast on marital bliss for the next 50 years, right? Wrong.
Here’s the thing no one tells you about marriage: The wedding isn’t the finish line – it’s the starting gun. All that romance and excitement leading up to the big day? That’s just the shiny packaging. The real “prize” inside is a hell of a lot of hard work.
Because after you say “I do,” that’s when shit gets real. You’re suddenly sharing your life, day in and day out, with another flawed human being. You’re seeing all their quirks, bad habits, and annoying tendencies in full HD detail. The fantasyland fog of new love and lust clears, leaving behind the harsh reality of dirty socks on the floor and endless squabbles over whose turn it is to do the dishes.
This is the point where a lot of people freak out, thinking they’ve made a horrible mistake. They got a defective spouse! This constant bickering and drudgery can’t be what marriage is supposed to be like, can it? Isn’t this supposed to be a lifelong romcom montage of candlelit dinners and walks on the beach?
Nope. Welcome to actual marriage, motherfucker. The sooner you accept that this is the real deal, the better off you’ll be. Because the couples that last aren’t the ones who never fight or get on each other’s nerves. They’re the ones who look at the unfiltered truth of each other, with all the warts and baggage, and decide to stick it out anyway.
They recognize that marriage isn’t some magical state of unending happiness. It’s a daily choice, and often a tough one – to love and care for your partner even when they’re being a giant pain in the ass. To have those difficult conversations and slowly, painstakingly figure out how two separate people can function as a team. To support each other’s growth while also maintaining your own identity.
None of that is easy. In fact, it can be awkward, messy, frustrating as hell. But that’s how you build a real, lasting relationship – in the trenches, not on a beach at sunset. You roll up your sleeves and put in the unsexy work of learning to really see, hear, and appreciate another person. Even when you kinda want to smother them with a pillow.
So if you’re past the honeymoon phase and wondering if you’re doing something wrong, relax. The shiny newness wearing off doesn’t mean you screwed up. It means your real marriage is beginning. Embrace the suck, keep showing up even when it’s hard, and slowly but surely you’ll build something real and resilient as hell.
Just don’t expect it to be a damn fairy tale. Happily ever after is bullshit. Loving each other even when you want to kill each other – now that’s the good stuff.