I 35m have been dating a 38f for a little over 3 months.
On the 1st date she offered to split the bill. Since then we have gone out quite a but and she has never paid for anything. We have spent many whole weekends together and I don’t mind paying more than 50% but she has not offered to pay at all since the first date.
At one point she bought an rv and for 2 weekends I did work on it for her while we spent time together and thought it was a bit rude she didnt at least offer to buy lunch to show appreciation.
Now I realize I should have brought this up a long time ago but it feels really awkward now to just ask her to pay for stuff sometimes. Like maybe she buys some fast food lunch and I pay for dinner at a sit down place.
Any advice on how I can word this without coming across like I am angry or resentful? I’m not the best with phrasing how I feel and a lot of the times it comes across aggressive or like I am upset.
It’s understandable that you feel awkward bringing this up after letting it slide for a while. Money discussions are rarely comfortable, especially in new relationships. But you’re right, this conversation is overdue, and it’s important to address it before resentment really takes root.
The key is to approach it as a calm discussion, not an accusation. Pick a neutral time, not in the heat of the moment when the bill comes. You could say something like, “I’ve enjoyed our time together these past few months. But I wanted to check in about how we handle expenses. I’m happy to treat sometimes, but I’m not comfortable paying for everything all the time. What are your thoughts on finding a balance that feels fair to us both?”
Frame it as a collaboration, a chance to get on the same page. Maybe she hasn’t realized how one-sided it’s been, or she has different expectations around money that you two need to discuss. Give her a chance to share her perspective.
If she gets defensive or dismissive, try to stay calm but firm. “I’m not upset, but this is important to me. I believe relationships work best when both people contribute in ways that feel equitable. I’m happy to be flexible, but I need to feel like we’re a team.”
Ultimately, this isn’t just about dollars and cents. It’s about mutual respect, consideration, and partnership. If she’s unwilling to have the conversation or work toward a solution, that tells you something important about your compatibility.
But hopefully, approaching it openly and non-accusingly will allow you both to find a new pattern that feels balanced and sustainable. The longer you wait, the harder it gets, so I encourage you to be brave and broach the subject soon. Advocate for yourself and your needs. In the right relationship, that honesty will only make you stronger.