My wife and I have been married for 2 years and together for 4. Prior to dating me she was with her high school boyfriend for 8 years. He broke up with her and she was devastated at the time.
I knew she still had feelings for him when we started dating but thought that those would fade over time. 4 years later they still haven’t and I don’t know what to do.
She cried when he got married to someone else and when they got pregnant. I catch her looking at his facebook and instagram pages. They don’t talk but if he ever reached out I’m sure she wouldn’t ignore him.
A few months ago I threatened to leave and she broke down and begged me not to. She knows this is a problem for her and promises she will eventually forget him but it’s been 4 damn years. I just don’t know if I should pull the plug or not. Any advice?
Dude, pull your head out of your ass and dump her. Like, yesterday.
Look, I get it. You love her, you’ve invested 4 years in this relationship, breaking up is scary, blah blah blah. But are you seriously going to spend the rest of your life as her backup plan while she pines away for her high school ex? Have some goddamn self-respect.
The hard truth is, right now you’re just a consolation prize she settled for because the guy she really wants didn’t want her back. If he knocked on her door tomorrow, how long do you think she’d hesitate before leaving your ass in the dust? I’d bet my left nut not very long.
Love isn’t about clinging to someone who’s still hung up on their ex. That’s not love, that’s just sad, pathetic desperation. Real love is about two people who actively choose each other, who wake up every day and think “fuck yes, I want to be with this person.” She’s not doing that. She’s just using you as an emotional crutch until something better comes along.
You threatening to leave and her begging you to stay isn’t a sign that things will get better. It just shows that she’s terrified of being alone. But that terror isn’t enough to make her feelings for her ex magically disappear. Those feelings are still there and always will be. You’ll always be playing second fiddle in her heart.
So unless you want to resign yourself to a lifetime of coming in second place, it’s time to rip off the band-aid and end this dysfunctional charade of a marriage. It’ll hurt like hell but you’ll survive. Work on improving yourself, pursue your own interests and happiness, and eventually you’ll find someone who actually wants to be with you and only you.
Staying with your wife isn’t noble or romantic. It’s just denying reality because change is hard. But take it from someone who’s been there – letting go of a bad relationship is the only way to open yourself up to a great one. Have the balls to walk away. You’ll thank yourself later.