In the fast-paced, always-on world we live in, it’s easy to get caught up in the hamster wheel of doing. We’re constantly in motion—working, hustling, striving, achieving. While there’s nothing wrong with being ambitious and going after what you want, there’s a critical piece of the puzzle that most of us are missing: making space to actually feel.
As men, we’re conditioned from a young age to push down our emotions, to “man up,” to be tough, to not let anything phase us. Consequently, we learn to stuff our feelings, to ignore them, to numb them with work, alcohol, women, or whatever other distractions we can find. But here’s the truth: those emotions don’t just disappear. They don’t just magically evaporate because we’re not acknowledging them. Instead, they fester. They lurk beneath the surface, influencing our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships, whether we realize it or not. They come out sideways, manifesting as anger, aggression, addiction, depression, or a host of other issues. All because we’re not giving ourselves permission and space to actually feel them when they first arise.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “But I don’t have time for that touchy-feely stuff. I’ve got things to do, goals to achieve, a life to build.” I get it. I used to think the same way. But what I’ve learned is this: processing your emotions isn’t a luxury. It’s not some “soft skill” that’s nice to have but not necessary. It’s a non-negotiable part of being a fully integrated, high-functioning human being.
When you make space to feel your feelings, to really sit with them and let them move through you, a few powerful things happen:
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Deeper Self-Understanding: You gain a deeper understanding of yourself. You start to recognize your patterns, your triggers, the things that light you up, and the things that weigh you down. This self-awareness is the foundation upon which all personal growth is built.
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Improved Responsiveness: You’re able to respond to life rather than react to it. When you’re not at the mercy of unprocessed emotions, you can choose how you want to show up in any given situation. You’re able to act from a place of clarity and intention, rather than being driven by unconscious impulses.
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Increased Emotional Bandwidth: You free up a huge amount of mental and emotional bandwidth. All that energy you’ve been using to suppress your feelings? It’s now available to you to create, to connect, to show up fully in your life and your relationships.
So how do you actually do this? How do you start making space to process your emotions in a world that’s constantly demanding your attention?
Start Small: Carve out just five or ten minutes a day to sit with yourself and check in. Notice what you’re feeling, without judging it or trying to change it. Just let it be. Maybe for you that looks like meditation, journaling, or going for a walk in nature. It doesn’t matter so much what you do, but that you’re creating a consistent practice of tuning into yourself.
Build on the Foundation: Have the hard conversations you’ve been avoiding. Let yourself cry when you need to. Scream into a pillow if that’s what feels right. The more you allow yourself to feel, the more capacity you’ll develop to handle the full spectrum of human emotion. And yes, it will be uncomfortable at times. It will be tempting to fall back into your old patterns of numbing and avoiding.
But on the other side of that discomfort is a level of freedom, aliveness, and authenticity that most people will never experience. So feel the fear and do it anyway. Your feelings aren’t the enemy. They’re your greatest teachers, your most powerful allies on the path to creating a life of depth, meaning, and unbridled self-expression.
Give them the space they deserve. Your future self will thank you.