GF of 1.5 years fell asleep with her phone unlocked while I was still working, took her phone to plug it in and a notification popped up, some guy I’ve never heard about asking if she was alone. I went through the chats and it was it turns out she’s been hooking up with that guy for a few months, during her “girls nights”.
I dug deeper, checking any other male dm’s. Turns out that for the whole duration of our “perfect” relationship she’s been hooking up with a variety of different men. Some where total strangers she met on instagram, others were long time “friends” that she occasionally fucked, there was even a married guy that she’s been fucking regularly. She was also disrespecting me and sending them our private chats, complaining and seeking comfort when we had a fight or something didn’t go well for a few days.
One day ago, I could’ve sworn that she’s the last girl on earth that could do something like this. How can a person look into your eyes, tell you she loves you, talk about marriage, kids and promise you the world and then do such disgusting things. I can’t even be angry right now, I’m just shocked and can’t really realize what I’ve seen.
We both have a very important exam phase right now, and a breakup would fuck everything up. So I chose to pretend like nothing happened, but it’s eating me up inside. I’m so disgusted, she tries hugging and kissing me and tells me she loves me so much all day.
I don’t know how to even approach this situation. She was so perfect for me and I was never happier than the last few months and I hate myself for checking her phone. If only I didn’t know what I know now…
One one hand I hate her with every cell of my body for doing this, on the other hand it feels so surreal and I can’t imagine myself just breaking up with her.. What’s the best way to approach this?
First off, I want you to know that this isn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong by checking her phone after seeing a suspicious message pop up. Her dishonesty and cheating are 100% on her, not you. So don’t beat yourself up over discovering the truth, no matter how painful it is.
I know this revelation has rocked your world. It’s hard to comprehend how someone who seemed so perfect, who you trusted completely, could betray you like this. The lies, the manipulations, the utter disrespect – it’s sickening. Your shock, disgust and inner turmoil are completely understandable.
But here’s the hard truth you need to accept: This woman is not who you thought she was. The loving, faithful partner you believed in was just an illusion. Her true character has now been revealed. And continuing a relationship with someone capable of this level of long-term deceit is only going to destroy your self-respect and peace of mind.
I get that you have important exams coming up and a breakup will be disruptive. But is preserving a sham relationship really going to put you in a better headspace? Biting your tongue, faking normalcy, and letting her touch you while knowing where she’s been? That’s soul-crushing, man. You’ll only be able to keep up that charade for so long before you implode.
My strong advice is to rip off the band-aid. Confront her with the evidence, express your hurt and anger, and end it decisively. Take back your power. Then lean on family, friends or a counselor to work through the inevitable grief and rebuild your sense of self. Reclaim your dignity.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you WILL get through this. You’ll come out the other side stronger, wiser and more clear-eyed about what you need in a relationship. Don’t let one person’s screwed up behavior make you lose faith in loyalty, honesty and true love. Those things are still out there for you. But first, you’ve gotta muster up the self-respect to walk away from this bullshit.
You’ve got this, brother. It’s time to stare down your fear, embrace the pain of growth, and refuse to settle for anything less than you deserve. A better future is waiting for you on the other side of this nightmare. Stay strong.