I had cheated on the woman I was dating for about a year and half. Not going to make excuses it was a really stupid thing I did. I broke her heart and I felt so horrible when she found out. One of her friends told her since word got around. She broke up with me.
That was about six months ago. I haven’t been dating at all, despite it being my fault my heart still hurts. I truly fucked up such a good thing. Obviously I didn’t deserve her but I still miss her.
I was feeling bad last night while having a few drinks by myself. I was going through my pics on my phone of her. For some stupid reason I decided to send her a pic of us with a text “I miss this” I didn’t expect a reply thinking I was still blocked.
She did reply and my heart jumped. But when I looked at it my heart sunk. I was crushed. Fuck she got me good. The text said “I don’t “ but the pic was some man’s erect dick. And it was her hand touching it. That hurt so much. I know I probably deserved it.
I told some friends about it trying to share my feelings but they all laughed at me. Like it was a big old funny joke. I guess I could see the humour if it wasn’t me. Fuck she got me good though. I won’t bother her anymore from now on.
Yes, she got you good. And you’re right, you had it coming.
Sending that “I miss this” text while drunk was selfish and thoughtless. You were focused on your own feelings of missing her, without considering how reopening contact would affect her. She likely felt resurging anger and pain at the reminder of your betrayal. The crude photo was her way of lashing out and trying to hurt you back. Immature perhaps, but also human.
Your friends may have laughed it off, but they’re not the ones who had their hearts broken. This was a deeply personal blow. It’s okay to not find it funny and to still feel crushed and regretful about torpedoing the relationship.
The lesson here is when you make a terrible mistake like cheating, you don’t get to decide when the other person should be over it, or when/if they should forgive you. They get to decide if and when they’re ready to let it go. Reaching out prematurely because YOU miss them is making it about you all over again.
So yes, leaving your ex alone from now on is the right call. Work on yourself, figure out why you sabotaged a good thing, and don’t repeat that mistake in your next relationship. Maybe seek counseling to unpack why you strayed. Learn and grow as a person. That’s really all you can do at this point.
Time will heal your heartache eventually. And hopefully your ex’s too. Give her the space to move on. Endure your friends’ ribbing; you earned it. And in the future, be a better partner. When you find yourself on the precipice of cheating, take the harder, higher road. Your future self will thank you.