I (28m) didn’t get invited to my closest friend’s (28m) wedding. I was one of the first people he told about the proposal before it happened. I thought I had a good relationship with his fiance too.
We went on trips together, never had any drama between us and golf together quite a bit. Our friend group has about 5 of us that have all been close friends since middle school. They all were invited except for me. I didn’t get an invite when they sent them out last fall and I thought it was just well understood I would be there.
Both of their families are multimillionaires so money is no issue. They have about 150 people on the guest list and even invited some local celebrities and politicians to the wedding that they hardly know. The whole year leading up to this we had all been in a group chat talking about the bachelor party, wedding venue and other wedding related topics. We speak every day and workout together every night after work. I asked him a week ago at the gym if it would be alright to bring my girlfriend of 2 months, that both of them had met several times to the wedding.
He said that I was on the waiting list and RSVP’s were finished several months ago, and unfortunately I didn’t get in. I didn’t really know what to say. I kind of laughed and thought he was joking but he had an embarrassed look on his face. I knew then that he was serious, and asked him why. He just said that he didn’t think it would be that important to me. I just said it’s ok I understand and finished working out with him, trying to hide my emotion but I doubt I did a good job.
When I left the gym I was upset, this was a guy that I really cared about and thought was my best friend. He messaged me asking to workout a few times throughout the week as though nothing was wrong but I just made up excuses and said I couldn’t. I left the group chat and all of my friends started messaging me asking what happened. They couldn’t believe I wasn’t invited and had all thought I would be one of the groomsmen. He still texts me asking me to hangout and sends me funny videos on Instagram like nothing is wrong. The bachelor party is next week and I already gave my share to the best man for the airbnb, as he also thought I was going.
I guess what I’m asking is do I just keep being friends with this group like it’s no big deal or do I cut them off? I have other friends but we were all pretty close.
Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this: It stinks. It stinks worse than a gym bag full of week-old socks. Your friend dropped the ball so hard it’s probably halfway to China by now. But before we start planning your dramatic exit from this friendship, complete with sad violin music and a montage of your best broments, let’s take a breath and unpack this situation.
First off, your friend’s excuse? “I didn’t think it would be that important to me.” That’s weaker than gas station coffee. You’ve been friends since middle school, you work out together daily, you were in on the proposal intel – of course it’s important to you! Either your friend has the emotional intelligence of a turnip, or there’s something else going on here.
Now, I’m not saying you should play detective and start interrogating the bride’s second cousin twice removed, but it might be worth having an honest, non-confrontational conversation with your friend. And I mean a real conversation, not a between-sets chat at the gym where you’re both more focused on your biceps than your feelings.
Here’s the thing: Friendships, like muscles, need work to stay strong. And sometimes, they need some serious rehab after an injury. This is definitely an injury to your friendship. The question is, do you want to work on rehabbing it, or are you ready to amputate?
If you decide to try and work it out, be honest about how hurt you are. Use those “I feel” statements your high school guidance counselor was always going on about. “I feel hurt and confused about not being invited to your wedding. Can we talk about what happened?” Give your friend a chance to explain, and really listen. There might be more to the story.
On the other hand, if you decide this is the last straw in a haystack of disappointments, that’s valid too. You’re allowed to reevaluate friendships and decide if they’re still serving you. Just make sure you’re making that decision based on the whole relationship, not just this one (admittedly major) slight.
As for the group chat and bachelor party situation? That’s trickier than a Rubik’s cube covered in butter. If you do decide to maintain the friendship, you might want to have a chat with the best man about that Airbnb money. And maybe ease back into the group chat with a well-timed meme or two.
Remember, at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with your decision. Whether you choose to work on the friendship or walk away, make sure it’s what feels right for you. And hey, if nothing else, at least you saved money on a wedding gift, right? (Too soon? Yeah, probably too soon.)