I’m a 29-year-old woman, and I’ve been married to my husband, who’s 32, for two years now. In that time, he’s hit me three times, leaving bruises on my body. Even though I try to defend myself, he just leaves me crying and in a lot of pain.
He always blames me, saying it’s my fault for talking back when he says hurtful things.
When things are good, he’s incredibly sweet, treating me like a princess. But if he gets angry about anything, he completely loses it.
Last November, I stayed with my parents to get away from him. Four days later, he came to apologize and convinced me to come back home.
Three days ago, he hit me again, this time in the face, leaving a hematoma on my jaw. I ran to my parents’ house, and now he won’t stop calling and sending messages. He’s apologizing, asking to talk, and saying he doesn’t want to ruin our marriage. He’s even been crying in audio messages and staying in his car outside my parents’ house for hours, begging for one last chance.
Right now, I’m getting medical attention for my face, and I feel completely lost. My mind is telling me to divorce him, but I’m in a critical stage of my college studies and don’t have the mental capacity to deal with court proceedings. I still love him, and I don’t have the family support I need to get through this.
Your safety is not negotiable. Full stop.
What you’re describing is a clear pattern of domestic abuse, and it’s escalating. The cycle of violence followed by apologies and promises is textbook abuser behavior. It doesn’t matter how sweet he can be when things are good – the times he’s violent completely negate any kindness.
You say you don’t have the mental capacity to deal with divorce proceedings right now. I hear you. But consider this: Do you have the mental and physical capacity to endure more abuse? Because that’s what staying means.
Your husband has shown you repeatedly who he is. Believe him. His actions speak far louder than his tearful apologies or romantic gestures. He is not going to change without serious, long-term intervention and a genuine desire to do so. You cannot love him enough to fix this.
You say you don’t have family support, but you’ve gone to your parents twice now. That suggests you do have some support system, even if it feels inadequate. Reach out to them. Be honest about what’s happening. There are also domestic violence hotlines and organizations that can provide resources and support.
Your studies are important, yes. But your life and wellbeing are more important. A degree won’t matter if you’re severely injured or worse. Many schools have resources for students in crisis – look into what yours offers.
This is not your fault. You are not responsible for his actions. You do not deserve this treatment. No one does.
Please, prioritize your safety. Get away from him. Block his calls and messages. Document everything. And when you’re ready, seek legal help to protect yourself long-term.
You’re stronger than you realize. You’ve already taken steps to protect yourself. Keep going. Your future self will thank you.
Stay safe.