I (24M) am dating a woman (26F) who we’ll refer to as A. For some context I drive a 2019 Nissan GT-R. It was my dream car growing up and I told myself when I “made it” and made enough to afford it financially and not have it be everything in my bank account.
I work a job making close to 6 figures and I’ve learn to invest in stocks and crypto I’ve made some good money but of course stocks and crypto are never promised and could crumble tomorrow.
My GF drives a 2018 BMW M3 and it’s a very nice car in good condition with no issues under the hood. The other day she suggested I should order her a new Tesla for Christmas. The one she wanted before I put work into my car was more than my car had cost.
Of course I’m not saying I don’t or won’t spend money on her but she drives a very nice car that I paid for (she pays the insurance and for the maintenance and upkeep) that is still a luxury car that drives well.
I argued with her that I wasn’t going to drop 6 figures on a car when I’m looking at buying us a house. Yes even though we’re under the “dating” title we have extremely strong love for each other shit she has my name tatted on her (not my idea) and while I love her and am always buying her what I think she’d like or told me she liked as gifts I just really think it’s financially irresponsible to buy a new car for no reason. She tried insinuating I was being cheap because I spent more money on my car then I did hers and my car has work in it. She tried accusing me of not loving her and “only giving a fuck about myself”.
I genuinely don’t think I’m the asshole for spending my money that I work for on whatever I’d like (yes she works a job that she finds ideal and went to school for and enjoys) and I’m not pocket watching her.
Oh my. Let’s unpack this, shall we?
First, kudos to you for having a clear head about your finances. You’ve set goals, achieved them responsibly, and are thinking about the future. That’s commendable, especially at your age.
Now, about your girlfriend. Her request for a Tesla as a Christmas gift is… let’s call it ambitious. The fact that she already drives a luxury car that you provided makes this demand particularly eyebrow-raising.
Her reaction to your refusal is concerning on multiple levels. Accusing you of not loving her because you won’t buy her an extremely expensive car is manipulative and unfair. It’s a tactic designed to make you feel guilty for setting a reasonable boundary.
The comparison she’s drawing between your car and hers is also problematic. You bought your car with your own money, as a goal you set for yourself. Her car was a gift from you. These are not equivalent situations.
Here’s the thing: healthy relationships aren’t built on extravagant gifts or keeping score. They’re built on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Your girlfriend’s behavior suggests a lack of these crucial elements.
You’re absolutely right to prioritize buying a house over an unnecessary luxury car. That’s smart long-term thinking. The fact that she can’t see or appreciate this is worrying.
My advice? It’s time for a serious conversation about expectations, values, and the future of your relationship. If she truly believes your love is measured by the price tag of the gifts you give her, you two have some fundamental incompatibilities to address.
Remember, you’re not being cheap or selfish by refusing this request. You’re being responsible and levelheaded. Don’t let anyone, partner or otherwise, make you feel bad for making sound financial decisions.
If she can’t understand or respect your perspective on this, it might be time to reevaluate whether this relationship is truly built on the kind of mutual understanding and respect that can go the distance.