I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost 2.5 years now. At the very beginning, things were perfect. He loved spending time with me, we could talk about anything, and overall enjoyed each other’s company (as you should in a relationship).
However, within the last 9ish months, I’ve felt like more of a mother than a girlfriend. I’ve had to clean his bathroom, bedroom, do his laundry, pick up his trash he’s left around the house, even remind him to brush his teeth!
I’ve tried asking nicely, and I’ve also tried having conversations about it. I’ve become so worn out from the stress of school full-time, working, and now caring for a man-child.
In terms of quality time, he sets aside an entire day of the week to spend with his friends. When I get to see him, all he wants to do is play videogames. I’ve tried very hard to make this relationship work, but I’m at a loss of what to do. He’s even gushed about how much I’m like his mother!
When he first noticed is when this all started to really happen. All of my friends are married and having children now. It’s made me think about what I want for my life, and doing this forever is not it.
Is there some way I can finally get him to grasp the “grow up” concept, or is it time to call it quits and cut my losses?
Ah, the classic tale of the man-child boyfriend—I’ve heard it more times than I’d like to admit. You’re not just dating a boyfriend, you’re raising a fully grown, adult-sized toddler. Fun times.
Let’s unpack this a bit:
- He’s treating you like a maid service. Cleaning his bathroom? Picking up his trash? What is this, a halfway house for wayward man-children?
- He’s proud of how much you’re like his mother. I’m sorry, but ew. That’s not a compliment, that’s a red flag the size of Texas.
- You’re worn out from being his caretaker. Relationships should lift you up, not drag you down.
- Quality time has devolved into you watching him play video games. Riveting.
- You’ve tried talking to him about it. Multiple times. He’s not listening.
Here’s the thing: You can’t make someone grow up. That’s an inside job. You’ve already done the heavy lifting of communicating your needs and concerns. If he wanted to step up, he would have by now.
You’re 24. This is the time to be building the life you want, not playing mommy to someone who should be able to brush his own teeth without a reminder. (Seriously, ew.)
It’s time to ask yourself: Is this really how you want to spend your 20s? Your 30s? The rest of your life?
You deserve a partner, not a dependent. Someone who adds to your life, not creates more work for you. Someone who’s excited to spend time with you, not begrudgingly fits you in between video game sessions.
My advice? Cut your losses. You’ve given this relationship a fair shot, and it’s clear that your boyfriend isn’t ready for an adult relationship. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, especially when that someone else seems perfectly content to let you burn.
Remember: You’re not responsible for his growth. You are, however, responsible for your own happiness and well-being. Choose yourself this time. I promise, it’ll be worth it.