My husband has been critical of my body for years. I look back at photos and can recall how he made me feel in a certain outfit, and I look back and want to hug myself. I was so pretty. Really thin. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Fit. Fun. Loving. And he had convinced me I was fat and constantly dressed inappropriately.
I’m 5 months pp and the comments haven’t stopped. Im exclusively breastfeeding. I workout 4-5x a week (running 20-30km weekly, lifting 2x) and I do my best with my diet but it’s not perfect. I’m carrying 20lbs I didn’t have before baby. I worked out every day I could in my pregnancy.
He is relentless in comparing me to other women. Saying how he knows other wives have bounced back quicker. How I’m not trying my best. How I eat poorly (we’ve have a couple nights of going out so I’ve had drinks).
I’ve cried to him to stop. I’ve begged him to please stop. I said I am doing my best. I already know I’m fat.
But he doubles down and tells me he wants to be in a marriage he can be honest in and he fears I’m going to let myself go and be fat forever.
Mind you he’s never stepped foot inside a gym for all the years we’ve been together. He goes for walks and does occasional golf. He doesn’t cook.
I promised myself if he brought up my weight again I would leave for the night. Today in an argument (he doesn’t like me breastfeeding in public) he called me borderline obese and I did it. I left. I don’t know how long but I’m just proud that i did.
Let’s get one thing crystal clear: Your husband’s behavior isn’t just unkind or insensitive – it’s abusive. Full stop. He’s been tearing you down for years, and now he’s ramped it up during one of the most physically and emotionally vulnerable times in your life. This isn’t about honesty in marriage; it’s about control and cruelty.
You’re 5 months postpartum, exclusively breastfeeding, running 20-30km weekly, lifting weights, and caring for a newborn. You’re not just doing your best – you’re practically superhuman. And even if you weren’t doing any of that, even if you were sitting on the couch eating ice cream all day, you would still deserve respect, kindness, and love from your partner.
Your husband’s fixation on your body, his comparisons to other women, his criticism of your breastfeeding in public – these are all red flags so big they could cover a football field. This isn’t love. This isn’t support. This is a man who is systematically trying to erode your self-esteem and control your behavior.
I’m so proud of you for leaving when he called you “borderline obese.” That took incredible strength. Now, I want you to take that strength and run with it. Don’t just leave for the night – consider leaving for good. At the very least, get some space and seek counseling – for yoursel. You need support to recognize your own worth and to set healthy boundaries.
Remember those photos where you now realize how beautiful you were? You’re just as beautiful now, inside and out. You’ve created life, you’re nurturing that life, and you’re taking care of yourself in impressive ways. Don’t let anyone – especially not someone who claims to love you – tell you otherwise.
You deserve a partner who builds you up, who supports you, who sees your strength and beauty in every stage of life. Please, reach out to friends, family, or a counselor for support. You and your child deserve so much better than this toxic environment.
Stay strong, mama. You’ve got this.