We been together 6 years now and during the third year of our relationship I cheated on him with a close family friend. I had started taking him for granted and it became easy to cheat because I didn’t value the relationship.
He broke up with me and we were split for months and the times I was single I realized he is a great bf. I begged for him back and he took me back but I had to promise to never speak to the guy again. I’m happy to say I never cheated since then and haven’t been tempted at all. I understand how great of a partner I have.
That being said the guy I cheated was a close family friend and recently I rekindled our friendship behind his back. Nothing romantic. You ever meet someone who is a terrible partner but a great friend? That’s him. I hated the fact that I let a stupid mishap ruin our friendship. My fiancé found out and was angry. I apologized and we talked and he needed space. He sent me a text of his demands to continue the relationship and I copied and pasted it.
His text After doing some thinking I can’t trust you. Whether it was platonic or not this is the second time that I know of where have violated my trust. The hardest part isn’t this but now I have to wonder how many times have you violated my trust or done something behind my back that i just don’t know about? You claim this is it but how can I believe you? I love you and want to work on this relationship but it’s going to require a lot of from you.
We are postponing our wedding indefinitely. When we we first got back together it took 10 months before I felt secure in the relationship again. I have no idea how long it will take to feel secure again.
Eli (I changed the name) will be blocked on everything and you are to never speak to him again. This now includes family events. If you know he will be there do not attend. If you didn’t know and he attends you are to ignore him.
I have unrestricted access to phones, social media, emails, etc. Every password I want to know for any device you have.
No hanging out with male friends alone
You are to be home by 1 if you do go out with your homegirls.
There will be more but these are my demands and they aren’t up for discussion. If you aren’t willing to do it then the relationship is over. Take your time to think about it.
End of text
I called him but he said he’s not arguing with me about it and don’t call him back until I decide what I want to do. I feel that this extremity harsh considering the fact I didn’t cheat this time. Ever since we got back together I never cheated on him.
Whew. Okay, let’s cut to the chase here, because there’s a lot to unpack.
You’ve cheated on your partner and then gone behind his back to rekindle a friendship with the person you cheated with. That’s not one mistake – that’s a pattern of betrayal. And honey, it’s time for some serious self-reflection.
Why do you keep doing this? That’s the million-dollar question, and until you answer it, no list of rules or demands is going to fix your relationship. You need to take a hard, unflinching look at yourself and figure out what’s driving this behavior.
Is it a fear of commitment? A need for external validation? Unresolved issues from past relationships? Or is there something fundamentally unsatisfying about your current relationship that you’re not facing head-on?
These aren’t comfortable questions, but they’re necessary ones. And let me be clear: this isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about understanding yourself better so you can make better choices.
I’d strongly recommend finding a good therapist to help you navigate this. They can provide the tools and perspective you need to dig into these issues and start making real changes.
As for your relationship, postponing the wedding is smart. But beyond that, you both need to decide if you’re truly willing and able to do the hard work of rebuilding trust.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to save this relationship. It’s to become someone who doesn’t betray the people they love. That’s a journey worth taking, regardless of where this particular relationship ends up.
It won’t be easy, but facing these issues head-on is the only way forward. You’ve got some soul-searching to do, kiddo. Time to roll up your sleeves and get to it.