Tuesday night boyfriend and I were out, he parked in an alley because it’s free. As we got to the car this tiny little homeless looking guy stepped out with a screwdriver and said something like “I’ll I need is a hit, me $20 and no one gets hurt.”
Boyfriend sprinted away. He didn’t Even look behind him so I was stuck with the mugger and since I had my phone only he rubbed his hands all over me while holding the screwdriver to my throat. He wasn’t getting off on it but it was still so traumatizing as he thought I was hiding money in my bra and underwear. I kept hoping that Ross would be coming back with the cops but nothing. The homeless guy eventually realized I had nothing and just left down the other end of the alley,
I walked around the corner and less than a block away there was two police officers so I told them and all of the sudden downtown lit up and they were able to find the guy in less than 5 minutes.
I rode with the police to the station to ID the guy. Maybe an hour later Ross calls and said “I have the police are you ok?” I exploded on him telling him that I’m at the fucking police station and have been for an hour. He tried to tell me he was so scared he didn’t know what to do and ran immediately to the police. I told him he was a liar because the two police I’d found had been there all night and he must have run past them. After some serious arguing he admitted that he’d gone to hide in a park about three blocks away. I was disgusted. And kept hiding when he heard all the sirens because he thought that meant I’d been stabbed or worse! What in the actual fuck?
I told him to come pick me up and he said he couldn’t because he doesn’t like cops and is afraid they’d laugh at him. Well he was right because two very cool young cops gave me a ride home and they laughed and joked about him the entire way.
Yesterday he finally called around noon and I told him don’t bother were broken up. He then spent the next 8 hours texting me a combination of calling me names, begging me to come back to him, and explaining what he’d done had been the smartest thing for both of us. He said had he not run, his natural rage would have taken over and he would have killed the guy. Suuuuuuurreeee….
Oh my. I’m so sorry you went through such a terrifying ordeal. Let me start by saying this unequivocally: You did nothing wrong. Your safety was threatened, you were assaulted, and you handled an incredibly scary situation with remarkable presence of mind. I’m glad you’re physically safe.
Now, about Ross. Deep breath. There’s a lot to unpack here, but the bottom line is this: When the chips were down, he showed you exactly who he is. And who he is, my dear, is someone who will abandon you in a moment of crisis to save his own skin.
His behavior afterwards is a masterclass in manipulation and gaslighting. Let’s break it down:
- He lied about going to the police.
- When caught in the lie, he admitted to hiding in a park.
- He refused to pick you up from the station out of fear of embarrassment.
- He waited until noon the next day to call you.
- When you (rightfully) broke up with him, he cycled through insults, begging, and absurd justifications.
That last bit about his “natural rage” is particularly rich. He ran away and hid in a park, but we’re supposed to believe he’s secretly the Incredible Hulk? Please.
Here’s the truth: Ross showed a profound lack of character. In a moment of crisis, he chose self-preservation over your safety. That’s not love, that’s not partnership, and that’s certainly not someone you can count on when life gets tough.
Your instinct to end this relationship is spot-on. Don’t let his barrage of texts make you second-guess yourself. His actions spoke volumes, and his words afterwards only confirmed what his behavior already told you.
Moving forward, please be gentle with yourself. What you experienced was traumatic, and it’s okay to not be okay for a while. Consider speaking with a counselor who specializes in trauma. They can help you process both the mugging and Ross’s betrayal.
Remember, you deserve someone who will stand by you in crisis, not sprint away leaving you in danger. Ross failed that test spectacularly. You, on the other hand, showed incredible strength and resilience. Hold onto that. It will serve you well as you heal and move forward.