Listen up, because this is important: True help isn’t about solving someone’s problems for them. It’s about giving them the tools to solve their own problems.
We live in a world where it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that being helpful means doing everything for someone else. But here’s the uncomfortable truth: when we do that, we’re not really helping. We’re creating dependency.
Think about it. When you constantly bail out a friend who’s terrible with money, are you really helping them learn financial responsibility? When you always clean up after your messy roommate, are you teaching them to be tidier? Nope. You’re just enabling their behavior and making them dependent on you.
Real help – the kind that actually makes a difference – is about empowerment. It’s about teaching a person to fish, not giving them a fish every day. It’s about equipping people with the skills, knowledge, and confidence they need to tackle their own challenges.
But let’s be real: this isn’t easy. It’s often more comfortable to just do things for people. It feels good in the moment. We get to be the hero, the savior, the one who makes everything better. But in the long run, we’re doing more harm than good.
True help requires patience. It means watching someone struggle and resisting the urge to swoop in and fix everything. It means offering guidance and support, but letting the person do the heavy lifting themselves. It’s about being a coach, not a crutch.
This applies to all areas of life. In relationships, it means supporting your partner’s growth rather than trying to “fix” them. In parenting, it means gradually giving your kids more responsibility instead of helicopter parenting. In the workplace, it means mentoring employees to develop their skills rather than micromanaging.
The paradox is that by doing less, we often help more. By stepping back and allowing people to face challenges, make mistakes, and figure things out on their own, we’re giving them the greatest gift of all: the ability to stand on their own two feet.
So the next time you’re tempted to swoop in and save the day, pause. Ask yourself: Am I really helping, or am I fostering dependency? Am I empowering this person, or am I making them reliant on me?
Remember, the goal isn’t to be needed. The goal is to help people reach a point where they don’t need you anymore. That’s what true help looks like. That’s how we empower others. And in the end, that’s how we create a world of strong, capable individuals who can handle whatever life throws at them.