As parents, we all want the best for our kids. We want them to grow up feeling confident, capable, and ready to take on the world. And let’s be honest, when our kids do something awesome, we’re bursting with pride and can’t wait to tell them how great they are. But here’s the thing—praise can be tricky. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it and what your words actually do for your child in the long run.
Why Saying “Good Job” Isn’t Always Enough
Picture this: your child comes home with a drawing they’ve worked hard on, and it’s all over the place—colors outside the lines, a dog that looks more like a cat, and a sun that’s just a big yellow blob. Your first instinct? “Wow, what a great picture! You’re such a good artist!” They smile, feeling good, but something else might be happening under the surface.
When we throw out a quick “Good job!” or “You’re amazing!” every time our kids do something, it can start to feel empty. They might think, “If I’m so good, why do I need to keep trying?” Or, worse, they could feel the pressure to always be that “good” or “amazing,” and that’s a heavy load for little shoulders to carry.
The Power of Descriptive Praise
So, what’s the alternative? Instead of focusing on the outcome—whether the drawing is a masterpiece or not—try to notice the effort your child put in. Say something like, “I see you used a lot of colors here, and you spent a lot of time making sure everything was just right. That shows real creativity and patience.” This kind of praise does a few things:
-
It validates the effort: You’re showing your child that you notice how hard they worked, not just the end result. This teaches them that effort matters, maybe even more than the outcome.
-
It encourages a growth mindset: When kids hear that their effort and the process they go through is what’s valuable, they’re more likely to keep trying new things, even if they’re hard. They learn that mistakes aren’t failures but steps toward getting better.
-
It takes the pressure off: When you focus on the process, there’s less pressure to always get things right or be the best. Your child learns that they don’t have to be perfect to earn your praise—they just have to try.
Keeping Praise Authentic and Meaningful
Now, I’m not saying you should never tell your child they did a good job. There’s definitely a place for that. But the key is to keep it specific and authentic. Instead of a blanket “You’re amazing,” try “You really focused on finishing that puzzle, even when it got tough. I’m proud of how you didn’t give up.” This way, your praise feels more genuine, and your child knows exactly what they did that you’re proud of.
It’s also important to be mindful of over-praising. Kids are smart—they know when we’re laying it on too thick. Over time, they might start to doubt the sincerity of your words. Instead, aim to balance your praise with encouragement that motivates them to keep trying, learning, and growing.
Finding the Right Balance
At the end of the day, it’s all about balance. Praise is a wonderful tool, but like anything, it works best in moderation. Use it to build your child up, but also to help them understand that effort, perseverance, and a willingness to try new things are what really count.
So next time your child brings you that wobbly drawing or tells you about a new skill they’re working on, take a moment to think about what you want your words to do. Praise them, yes—but praise them in a way that helps them grow into confident, resilient, and self-assured individuals who know that they don’t have to be perfect to be loved and valued.