You’re standing at the edge of one of the biggest decisions of your life, and there’s a small voice in your head asking, Is this really the right person? I get it. Choosing who to marry isn’t a casual Friday night decision. This is the person who’s going to be with you through the best and worst moments, someone who will challenge you, encourage you, and maybe even drive you a little crazy sometimes. So how do you know if you’re making the right choice?
I wish I could give you a magic formula or a neon sign that blinks THIS IS THE ONE! But it’s a little more complicated than that. Here are a few key questions to ask yourself as you stand on the edge of this life-changing decision:
1. Can You Be Yourself Around Them?
I don’t mean the “put-together” version of yourself that you present at work or in social media posts. I’m talking about the real you. The version that gets anxious, messes up, cries during Toy Story (we’ve all been there), or has moments of insecurity. If you feel like you have to constantly perform, impress, or “win” their approval, that’s a red flag. The right person will love the real you, imperfections and all.
Marriage is about showing up every day as your whole self, and if you can’t do that now, trust me—it’s going to be even harder later.
2. Do You Share Core Values?
You don’t have to agree on everything (and spoiler alert: you won’t). But the non-negotiables? Those matter. What do you both believe about money, kids, family, faith, and your purpose in life? It’s not about checking boxes—it’s about understanding whether your worldviews align enough to build a life together.
Because when life hits hard, and it will, those shared values will either keep you together or tear you apart.
3. How Do They Handle Conflict?
No one likes to fight. But here’s the truth: conflict is inevitable in any relationship. The question isn’t if you’re going to fight, it’s how you’re going to fight. Are they willing to work through issues with humility and grace? Do they take responsibility for their part, or do they blame-shift, manipulate, or shut down?
If they avoid conflict, blow up over small things, or dismiss your feelings, that’s a warning sign. Healthy conflict resolution—fighting for each other, not against each other—is one of the most important skills you need in a marriage.
4. Are They a Safe Person?
Safety in a relationship doesn’t just mean physical safety (though that’s crucial). It also means emotional safety. Can you be vulnerable with them? Do they listen without judgment, respect your boundaries, and show up for you when you need them?
If you don’t feel emotionally safe now, it’s not going to magically get better after you say “I do.” The right person will be someone who creates a safe space for you to be seen, heard, and valued.
5. Are You Rushing It?
There’s no rule that says you have to get married by a certain age or timeline. The pressure to rush into marriage because “everyone else is doing it” or because you’re afraid of being alone isn’t a reason to commit. Take the time to really know this person. Have you seen them in stressful situations? Have you navigated hard times together?
The best marriages are built on deep trust and shared experiences, not on a timeline or external pressure.
6. Do You Have the Support of Trusted Friends and Family?
Now, this one’s tricky. You don’t need everyone’s approval, but if the people who know and love you best are waving red flags or expressing concerns, it’s worth paying attention. They may see things you’re too close to notice. Or, they may confirm what you’ve already sensed deep down.
At the end of the day, the decision is yours. But don’t discount the wisdom of people who have your back and want the best for you.
7. Are You Both Committed to Growth?
Marriage isn’t static. It’s a lifelong journey of growth, change, and becoming better versions of yourselves. The right person will be someone who’s committed to growing with you—not just for the next six months, but for the next six decades. They’ll be willing to evolve, learn from their mistakes, and walk alongside you as you both become the people you were meant to be.
Look, there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, and there’s no such thing as a perfect person. But if you can say yes to these questions, you’re on the right track. Marriage isn’t about finding the person who completes you (spoiler alert: that’s a myth). It’s about choosing someone you’re willing to walk through life with—someone you love, trust, and who’s just as committed to making it work as you are.
So, if you’re still unsure, take a deep breath. Trust yourself. And remember, the right person isn’t just someone you can marry—it’s someone you want to marry. Every single day.