Look, we all want to be liked, loved, and respected. That’s just part of being human. But somewhere along the way, a lot of us got tangled up in the idea that our worth depends on what other people think. We start living our lives through a filter, checking in constantly: Is this good enough? Did they approve? Was that okay?
It’s exhausting. And worse than that, it’s not living. Living for other people’s approval turns us into actors in our own lives—always trying to play the “right” role, follow the “right” script. But here’s the truth: the only approval you actually need is your own. When you start living for yourself, things get real, real fast. You stop acting and start being, and that’s where the magic happens.
1. Understand Where the Need for Approval Comes From
This craving for approval didn’t come out of nowhere. For a lot of us, it goes way back. Maybe it’s rooted in childhood, where being “good” got you praise from your parents or teachers. Or maybe you learned that conflict gets you punished, so you learned to play nice and seek approval to avoid it.
But those old habits stick. And before you know it, you’re an adult still chasing the same old validation. The problem is, people-pleasing doesn’t get you the things you need in life. In fact, it does the opposite—it leaves you drained, feeling fake, and wondering why nobody’s really seeing the real you. When you can pinpoint where this need for approval started, you can start loosening its grip.
2. Shift from ‘What Do They Think?’ to ‘What Do I Think?’
Here’s a challenge for you: try asking yourself what you think about the things you do. It sounds simple, but it’s powerful. When was the last time you made a decision without considering other people’s opinions first?
If you’re constantly measuring yourself by everyone else’s yardstick, you’re always going to come up short. Start practicing small ways to get in touch with your own voice. Maybe you decide how you’re going to spend a Saturday without worrying about what’s “cool” or what other people are doing. Or maybe you start saying “no” to things you don’t want to do, just because you don’t want to do them.
This is where living for yourself begins—by learning to trust your own judgment and take your own opinions seriously. It’s about saying, “I’m okay with who I am, and I don’t need anyone else to stamp their approval on that.”
3. Realize that Authenticity is What Actually Builds Connection
Here’s the irony of it all: we think we have to put on an act to be liked, but true connection only happens when we’re being authentic. People might like the role you play, but if you’re not showing up as you, they’re connecting with a version of you that doesn’t really exist.
Think about your relationships. Are you showing up as the real you? Or are you just giving them what you think they want? The friends and family who truly care will respect the real you, even when that means saying something they might not want to hear or making a choice they don’t fully get. Real connection isn’t about approval; it’s about acceptance. And that starts with you accepting yourself first.
4. Set Boundaries That Protect Your Energy and Values
Living for other people’s approval often means our boundaries get trampled. You say “yes” when you want to say “no.” You go along with things that go against your values just to keep the peace. You bend, you twist, you shrink—all to keep everyone else happy.
But here’s the deal: boundaries aren’t about keeping people out; they’re about keeping your sanity and self-respect in. Boundaries protect your energy, your time, and your values. They’re a way to say, “This is what I need, and this is what I stand for.” The people who belong in your life will respect those boundaries, and the ones who don’t…well, maybe they’re not meant to be there.
5. Start Living with the Awareness that You’re Enough
Let’s be real here: the need for approval often boils down to one thing—we don’t feel like we’re enough on our own. We think we need someone else to validate us, to give us permission to feel good about ourselves. But that’s a lie.
You don’t need someone else’s approval to be enough. You are enough as you are. Take a breath and let that sink in. You are enough, without having to prove it, without having to bend over backward to make everyone else happy. Living for yourself means embracing that truth and letting it guide your choices. It means waking up each day with the confidence that you’re okay just as you are.
6. Practice Letting Go of What Others Think
This isn’t a switch you flip—it’s a practice. Start with small steps. If you’re tempted to ask someone for their opinion on something that you know deep down you already feel strongly about, pause and go with what you think. When you feel yourself getting pulled into worry about what someone else might say, remind yourself that their opinion doesn’t define you.
Sure, it might feel uncomfortable at first. But over time, you’ll start to notice something amazing: as you let go of the need for approval, you’ll start feeling lighter, freer. You’ll begin to feel grounded in who you are, rather than constantly bending to fit into other people’s boxes.
7. Find People Who Love the Real You
When you stop performing, something beautiful happens. You start attracting people who like you for who you truly are—not the version you think they want. These are the friends, the family, the partners who stick around when things get messy, when you’re not playing a role, when you’re just you.
And isn’t that the whole point? Life’s too short to spend it playing a part. Drop the act, let go of the need for approval, and start showing up as yourself. That’s where real freedom lives. That’s where the real you gets to shine, and that’s where real love and connection take root.