Is a visit from the in-laws every 1.5 months for 2 weeks too much?
I NEVER agreed to it. I said one week max. But once they’re here they would ask to stay. Now suddenly 2 weeks in the normal. I said if it’s two weeks it has to be two months in between. Then it inches closer together. Now the norm has become 2 weeks every 1.5 months…and shaving off days of the in between.
They’re overbearing, take over the house, criticize and comment on how to raise our child.
And I feel like I’m being gaslit into thinking that it’s not even that often or that much because they just want to see their grandchild.
I’m going insane. I didn’t get off to a good start with them. Basically treated me like an insect until I got pregnant.
Theyre in the east coast and we’re in the Midwest.
What do I even do. Even if I had a good relationship with them I feel like it’s still A LOT of time to basically be living with them.
First, let’s talk about your own home. Your house should be a place where you feel in control and at peace—a space where you can recharge, connect with your partner, and just breathe. But right now, it sounds like it’s turned into something else entirely every six weeks. Two weeks out of every month and a half is a massive chunk of time for anyone to feel displaced in their own space, especially with in-laws who are quick to take over and voice opinions on your parenting. Even if they don’t see it this way, they’re putting pressure on you and essentially challenging your authority and your home’s balance. And if you’re feeling like you’re “going insane,” that’s your gut telling you this situation needs to change.
So here’s what to do: sit down with your partner for a straightforward conversation. Start with empathy and honesty about how their visits affect you. Explain that while you know they love being with their grandchild, the current pattern is making it hard for you to feel settled in your own home. Use clear, specific examples. Maybe share how their comments or behavior during these long stays leave you feeling criticized and exhausted rather than supported. This isn’t about attacking them; it’s about conveying why this amount of time, this frequently, is making it difficult for you to find peace.
Once you and your partner have set a boundary that feels healthy for both of you—like a week, max, every couple of months—prepare to have a polite but firm conversation with the in-laws. Remember, they’re likely to be disappointed or even a little pushy, but that’s okay. Stand firm. You might say something like, “We love having you here, but for the health of our family, we’re going to stick to a one-week visit every few months.” You’re not closing the door; you’re just putting structure around it. You can even frame it positively by saying that this change will allow you to really look forward to and enjoy each visit without feeling overwhelmed.
And about their reactions—don’t let guilt take the wheel here. You’re not being unreasonable; you’re setting a boundary to protect your mental health and to create a healthier environment for your child and your relationship. Guilt can be a powerful tool that family members sometimes use, knowingly or not, to push against boundaries. But you’re not rejecting them; you’re setting a pattern that works for your family. When you stand firm, you teach your in-laws that you expect to be treated with the same respect and consideration that you show them.
It may take a couple of conversations to reinforce this new boundary. They may react poorly at first, but eventually, they’ll learn to adapt. And remember, they can still maintain a wonderful, meaningful relationship with their grandchild without staying for half the month. Boundaries are the healthiest way to ensure that you, your partner, and your child can enjoy quality time with family without feeling that your own lives are being pushed to the side. You deserve to live in a space where you feel at ease, and setting this boundary is a necessary step in reclaiming that for yourself.