Let me start with this: you are not a burden. You are not “too much.” And you don’t need to apologize for simply existing or for taking up space in this world. Yet, if you’re like so many of us, you’ve probably caught yourself apologizing for things that don’t even require an apology.
You know the drill:
- “Sorry for asking a question.”
- “Sorry, I just need a second.”
- “Sorry for taking so long with my order.”
Why do we do this? Why do we shrink ourselves down, verbally and emotionally, as if simply asserting a need or showing up in a moment requires an excuse?
It’s not a matter of politeness; it’s about worthiness. Deep down, our over-apologizing often comes from a belief that our needs, our voice, or even our presence is an inconvenience to others. It’s as if we’re trying to preemptively smooth over any perceived conflict or discomfort—when, in truth, there’s often none to begin with.
The Connection Between Apologizing and Belonging
Here’s the thing: we’re wired for connection. As humans, we’re constantly scanning our environment to see if we’re safe, accepted, and valued. For many of us, especially those who grew up feeling like we had to “earn” love or approval, apologizing becomes a reflex—a way to make ourselves smaller, less noticeable, less likely to cause disruption.
But this reflex isn’t harmless. Every time we apologize unnecessarily, we send ourselves a message: You don’t belong here unless you apologize for it first. And over time, that message chips away at our self-worth.
The Courage to Stand in Your Own Space
Taking up space—physically, emotionally, and mentally—is an act of courage. It means believing, at your core, that you are enough. It means recognizing that your needs matter, your voice matters, and your presence matters.
Does it feel uncomfortable? Absolutely. Especially if you’ve spent a lifetime apologizing for who you are or what you need. But discomfort is the birthplace of growth. If we can sit with that discomfort—if we can resist the urge to shrink ourselves or over-explain—we give ourselves the chance to rewrite the story we’ve been telling ourselves.
Practical Steps to Stop Over-Apologizing
Here’s how you can start:
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Pay Attention to Your Language – The first step is awareness. Start noticing how often you apologize. Write it down if you need to. Are you apologizing for being late, for asking a question, or for just existing in a space?
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Replace ‘Sorry’ with ‘Thank You’ – Instead of apologizing, try expressing gratitude. For example:
- “Sorry for being late” → “Thank you for waiting.”
- “Sorry for asking another question” → “Thank you for explaining that.”
This subtle shift changes the tone of the interaction and reinforces your worthiness.
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Practice Saying What You Need—Without a Disclaimer – Instead of “Sorry, can I grab that chair?” try “Can I grab that chair?” Notice how it feels to say it without qualifying your request. It might feel strange at first, but stick with it.
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Set a Boundary with Yourself – Commit to cutting out unnecessary apologies for a week. When you feel the urge to apologize, pause. Ask yourself: Am I apologizing because I’ve genuinely done something wrong, or because I’m afraid of taking up space?
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Embrace the Discomfort – This is the hard part, but it’s also the most important. When you stop apologizing, you might feel awkward or even guilty at first. That’s normal. Sit with that discomfort. Let it pass. Every time you do, you’re building the muscle of self-worth.
Taking Up Space is Brave
Taking up space doesn’t mean being rude, loud, or dismissive of others. It means standing in your truth and believing that your presence in this world is just as valid as anyone else’s.
When you stop apologizing for taking up space, you create room for your authentic self to show up. You teach the people around you how to treat you—with respect, not pity. And most importantly, you remind yourself, over and over again, that you are enough.
You don’t need to apologize for being here. This is your space too. Take it. Own it. And let it remind you that you are worthy. Always.