The internet is full of rabbit holes, and some of them are dark, lonely places where young men go to vent their frustrations, find validation for their pain, and adopt dangerously warped views about women, relationships, and the world.
The so-called “incel” (involuntary celibate) subculture preys on vulnerability. It thrives on isolation, anger, and the belief that life is unfairly stacked against young men. And while not every lonely teenage boy is destined to become an incel, the path to that toxic mindset often begins with unchecked loneliness, confusion, and a lack of healthy role models.
So, how do you help your son avoid falling into this pit? By showing up. By listening. And by leading with love and empathy.
1. Understand the World He’s Navigating
We grew up in a different world. Today’s teenagers are inundated with social media, endless comparison, and pressures we didn’t face. Many young men feel adrift—they don’t know how to define masculinity in a way that feels meaningful and positive.
This confusion creates a vacuum, and toxic online communities are more than happy to fill it with messages like:
- “The world is rigged against you.”
- “Women only want rich, attractive guys.”
- “You’ll never be good enough, so why try?”
Before you can help your son, you need to understand the messages he’s hearing and the pressure he’s under.
2. Teach Basic Social Skills Early
Let’s get back to basics: sharing, politeness, and respect. These simple childhood lessons aren’t just about playing nice—they’re the foundation of healthy relationships later in life.
When children learn to share, they practice thinking about others’ needs. When they interact politely, they experience the positive feedback of mutual respect. Over time, these small behaviors grow into empathy and understanding—the building blocks of successful adult relationships.
If your son didn’t pick these up as a child, it’s not too late to start. Model respectful behavior in your own relationships and encourage him to practice kindness and consideration in his daily life.
3. Be His First Role Model
Let’s get real: kids don’t need perfect parents—they need present ones. If you want your son to understand what healthy masculinity looks like, he needs to see it in action.
- Show him how to treat people with respect, especially women. Are you modeling kindness, patience, and fairness in your own relationships?
- Talk openly about struggles and emotions. Let him see that real strength includes vulnerability.
- Teach him to value character over superficial traits. Emphasize hard work, integrity, and empathy over material success or appearances.
He’ll learn more from watching how you live your life than from anything you say.
4. Support His Hobbies and Interests
A healthy sense of self comes from exploring interests, developing skills, and finding joy in meaningful activities. When you support your son’s hobbies—whether it’s sports, art, coding, or gaming—you help him:
- Build confidence through achievement.
- Develop teamwork and cooperation skills.
- Create opportunities for social interaction outside the echo chambers of the internet.
Hobbies provide a sense of identity and purpose, grounding your son in something real and fulfilling. They also connect him with others who share similar passions, teaching him how to collaborate, compromise, and communicate effectively.
5. Create a Safe Space for Hard Conversations
One of the hallmarks of incel culture is the lack of a safe outlet for discussing feelings of rejection, loneliness, or self-doubt. If your son feels like he can’t talk to you about the hard stuff, he’ll find someone—or some dark corner of the internet—that will listen.
Ask open-ended questions and really listen to the answers:
- “What’s been hard for you lately?”
- “How are your friendships going?”
- “What do you think about dating and relationships right now?”
Don’t brush off his feelings or try to fix everything for him. Let him express himself without judgment, and remind him that it’s okay to struggle.
6. Teach Him to Build Resilience
Life is hard. Relationships are hard. And rejection is part of the human experience. The difference between a healthy mindset and an incel mindset is how someone responds to adversity.
- Normalize failure. Let him know it’s okay to mess up, get rejected, or feel awkward. It’s all part of growing.
- Teach problem-solving skills. Help him think through challenges instead of giving up or blaming others.
- Encourage self-improvement. Whether it’s learning a new skill, pursuing a hobby, or staying active, remind him that growth comes from effort, not shortcuts.
7. Address Misogyny Head-On
Don’t assume your son automatically knows what’s wrong with toxic ideologies. Make it clear that misogyny isn’t just wrong—it’s destructive and isolating. Talk about the value of mutual respect in relationships, and challenge harmful stereotypes he might pick up online.
Teach him that women are not prizes to be won, obstacles to overcome, or villains in his story. They’re people, with their own hopes, fears, and struggles.
8. Limit Exposure to Toxic Content
You can’t shield your son from the internet forever, but you can set boundaries around what he consumes. Monitor his online activity without being overly invasive, and encourage him to spend more time in the real world, building real connections.
Encourage hobbies, sports, or clubs where he can meet like-minded peers and build confidence through shared interests. The more grounded he feels in the real world, the less appealing toxic online spaces will be.
The Real Takeaway
Preventing your son from becoming an incel isn’t about shielding him from rejection or hardship—it’s about equipping him to face life’s challenges with strength, empathy, and purpose.
Teach him the value of respect, the joy of connection, and the pride of building something meaningful. Support his interests, help him grow his social skills, and show him what a healthy, balanced life looks like.
Most importantly, remind him that he’s loved, valued, and capable of growth. When a young man knows he’s supported and respected, he’s far less likely to buy into the lie that the world is against him.