It’s tempting to believe the things we have—our clothes, our car, our job title, our accomplishments—make us more likable. They’re visible markers of success, after all. They say, Look at me. Look at what I’ve achieved. And for a moment, maybe people do look.
But here’s the hard truth: people don’t like you for your things. They might like your things, but that doesn’t mean they like you.
The Illusion of Things
Imagine two scenarios:
-
You pull up to a party in a shiny new luxury car, wearing designer clothes. People compliment you on how great you look and how nice your car is. You feel good—for now.
-
You show up in regular clothes, driving an old but reliable car. You have conversations that go deeper than surface-level pleasantries. People don’t care about what you drove or wore—they care about how you made them feel.
In the first scenario, people might admire what you have. But admiration is not the same as connection. Compliments about your car, your clothes, or your title are directed at things. None of it is directed at you. Your possessions can act as a shield, a way to gain attention without ever really revealing yourself.
Things Don’t Build Relationships
Superficial connections are like sandcastles. They look impressive from a distance, but there’s no foundation. One wave—a change in your job, your status, your finances—and the whole thing washes away.
Here’s why:
-
Things Are Temporary: Cars get old. Titles change. Achievements fade. If someone’s connection to you is based on those things, it’s only a matter of time before it disappears.
-
Things Are Replaceable: Someone else will always have a nicer car, a bigger house, or a fancier title. When you rely on things to build relationships, you’re in a constant game of comparison. And no one wins that game.
-
Things Are Shallow: If someone only likes you for your possessions, what happens when you lose them? Worse, what happens when you realize they never cared about you in the first place?
The Power of Substance
Real relationships—the ones that matter—aren’t built on what you own. They’re built on who you are.
-
People Like How You Make Them Feel: They remember kindness, honesty, and authenticity. They remember the moments you listened when no one else would. The times you showed up when they needed it most.
-
People Like Shared Experiences: Laughter over coffee, late-night conversations, helping each other through challenges—these moments are the bricks of strong relationships.
-
People Like Your Values: What you stand for and what you care about say far more than any title or possession ever could.
At your core, you are not your things. You are your actions, your words, and your ability to connect with others on a meaningful level.
Why We Hide Behind Things
It’s easy to hide behind our accomplishments or possessions because they feel safe. They give us something to show the world when we’re unsure of who we really are. It’s vulnerability, after all, to let someone see the real you. To risk being liked for who you are instead of what you have.
But here’s the thing about vulnerability: it’s the foundation of every real relationship. Without it, all you have are transactions masquerading as friendships—people drawn to your stuff, not to you.
The Bottom Line
No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are just things. Superficial admiration fades, and relationships built on things will always crumble.
But when you let go of the need to impress, you open the door to something deeper: connection, trust, and relationships that stand the test of time.
Because in the end, what people remember—what they truly care about—is you.
Not what you have. Not what you do. Just you. And that’s more than enough.