I cheated. I regret it but I’ll try to explain it in my own way. I had a good woman and I had issues communicating in the relationship. It was my first real relationship and I let it build up inside of me and my outlet wasn’t communication, it was cheating.
Why do I regret it? I maintain that cheating on someone is far more insidious than people realise. Yes it’s morally wrong. You’re lying to someone. Of course, but it’s more than that. There’s like this decoupling that happens. It’s very subtle, but all of a sudden there’s something between you and that person. Even if it’s only you that knows it, there’s something between you. And then the synchronisation that once existed is disrupted. And it will never be the same.
When she smiles at you, it’s there. When she lies with you, it’s there. You don’t feel the same thing she does because you aren’t being your true self with her anymore.
Cheating makes cheating again easier. Because the strings that attached you to that person aren’t as strong as they once were. And slowly, slowly, it comes to a point where they aren’t as special as they once were to you.
I learned that that needs to be sacred. That bond needs to be sacred. And if you cheat you’re really only screwing yourself. Because that most special person in your life has been devalued. And it’s not only that they’ve been devalued. You’ve disrespected yourself. Because fundamentally they are a part of you. They are a major part of your lived experience.
And then all of the morals and virtues that you hold dear have an asterix. And that is its own punishment. And seeing her is a reminder. Not always an explicit reminder, but a subtle reminder. She isn’t the same. She doesn’t mean the same thing. And you did that by choice. You did it. It doesn’t matter whether it was a moment of weakness. You did it.
So yes I regret it. I won’t do it again. I know it. It’s morally wrong but it’s so much more than that. I’ve lived it.
She’s better without me. She’s beautiful and happier now and that makes me happy.
– coop7774