Let’s start with this: life is messy. It’s unpredictable, heartbreaking, and downright unfair sometimes. But here’s the kicker—life is also stunningly beautiful, often in ways we never expect. The key to experiencing that beauty isn’t in getting everything right or chasing some perfect version of what should have been. It’s in letting go of the “should-haves” that weigh us down and embracing the messy, wild, and sometimes chaotic beauty of what is.
The Weight of “Should-Have”
How often do we find ourselves trapped in the “should-haves”?
- I should have finished college earlier.
- We should have bought that house before prices went up.
- I should have been a better spouse, a better parent, a better friend.
These thoughts can drown us in regret, but here’s the truth: “should-haves” are liars. They make us believe there’s some alternate reality where everything is perfect, and we’re just one decision away from it. But life doesn’t work that way. There’s no rewind button, no perfect script, and honestly, even if there were, would we know what to do with it?
The Unexpected Beauty of Now
If you’re too focused on what should have been, you miss what is. And sometimes, what is can be breathtaking.
Maybe you didn’t get the career you dreamed of, but you’ve built relationships that feed your soul.
Maybe your marriage didn’t work out, but now you’ve got clarity on who you are and what you need.
Maybe your life doesn’t look like the Instagram highlight reels, but it’s full of small, quiet moments of joy that don’t need filters.
Life is full of surprises—good and bad—and learning to embrace the unexpected is how we unlock the magic of the present. It’s about opening your eyes to the beauty in the chaos, the lessons in the struggle, and the growth in the pain.
How to Let Go of the “Should-Haves”
Letting go isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about choosing not to let it control your future. Here’s how you can start:
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Name It: Acknowledge the “should-have” that’s haunting you. Write it down. Say it out loud. Bring it into the light.
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Ask Why: Why are you holding onto it? Is it guilt? Fear? A sense of failure? Identifying the root helps you loosen its grip.
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Find Gratitude: For every “should-have,” find something about your current reality to be thankful for. Gratitude is a powerful antidote to regret.
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Take Action: Regret without action is a dead end. If you can make a change, do it. If you can’t, shift your focus to the things you can influence.
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Talk to Someone: Letting go is hard work, and sometimes we need help to do it. A therapist, counselor, or trusted friend can walk with you through the process.
Moving Forward
Letting go of the “should-haves” isn’t a one-and-done deal. It’s a practice. It’s choosing, every day, to live fully in the moment you’re in—not the one you wish you were in. It’s about giving yourself grace, celebrating your resilience, and finding joy in the now.
Life may not be what you planned. It may not be what you think you deserved. But it’s what you have—and it’s yours to make something beautiful out of.
You don’t need a perfect past to create a meaningful future. You just need the courage to let go of what was and embrace what is. That’s where the magic happens. That’s where the beauty lives. And that’s where you’ll find you.