A few months ago, I spoke with a friend who was feeling stuck. He had spent the past year scrolling through self-improvement content on TikTok—gym motivation videos, productivity hacks, entrepreneurship tips—but he hadn’t actually done any of the things he was consuming. “It feels like I’m getting smarter,” he told me, “but my life looks exactly the same.”
This is the modern paradox of digital life. Our screens give us a simulacrum of what we actually need. They present us with a reality that feels close to real accomplishment, real connection, real meaning—but isn’t. And often, this fake version is just satisfying enough to keep us from pursuing the real thing.
Think about it:
- Social media offers the illusion of deep social connection—likes, comments, messages—without the real, often messy, work of maintaining strong friendships.
- Video games and achievement-based apps provide simulated progress—badges, levels, streaks—that trigger the same dopamine reward system as real-life accomplishments but don’t translate to actual skills or growth.
- Motivational content and self-improvement rabbit holes can make us feel like we’re changing—when in reality, we’re just consuming content about change.
This is what I call “synthetic fulfillment”—the digital equivalent of empty calories. It tastes good, but it doesn’t nourish you.
How We Got Stuck in the Loop
Tech companies understand human psychology better than we understand ourselves. They know that our brains crave progress, social validation, and purpose. But they also know that real fulfillment requires effort, patience, and discomfort—things that don’t generate ad revenue.
So instead of helping us build deep relationships, platforms optimize for engagement. Instead of encouraging real-world experiences, they design features to keep us clicking. Instead of rewarding real effort, they offer easy, gamified alternatives.
It’s no accident that apps like Instagram, Duolingo, and LinkedIn use progress bars and streaks—these are psychological tricks designed to keep you engaged. Even dating apps, which should be about finding relationships, are often structured more like slot machines than matchmaking services.
So What’s the Fix?
If you feel like you’re consuming more than you’re creating, scrolling more than you’re doing, or talking more than you’re acting, you’re not alone. But breaking out of this cycle requires intention.
- Audit your synthetic fulfillment habits. Ask yourself: What fake version of fulfillment am I engaging with? Are you watching fitness content instead of working out? Bingeing travel vlogs instead of planning a trip? Getting sucked into career advice threads instead of applying for jobs?
- Use screens as tools, not replacements. A FaceTime call is better than a text, but an in-person hangout is better than FaceTime. Watching a documentary about entrepreneurship is useful, but actually starting the business is better.
- Set ‘real-world first’ rules. Before watching videos about fitness, do 10 push-ups. Before scrolling through financial advice, check your bank account. Before liking someone’s post, text them and ask how they’re doing.
The goal isn’t to abandon technology altogether—it’s to stop letting it give you a watered-down version of the life you actually want. Because the only thing worse than not achieving your goals is feeling like you did—without ever taking a step.