At some point in the last decade, we collectively decided that sitting alone with our own thoughts—even for the length of a single bowel movement—was an unacceptable hardship. This is why you, me, and pretty much everyone we know now bring our phones into the bathroom like they’re some kind of emotional support device, as if we’d crumble into existential despair without the ability to doomscroll while evacuating our insides.
Think about that. The one time of day when you could just be—no obligations, no conversations, no expectations—and instead, you’re skimming half-baked Reddit takes on geopolitics while your digestive system does the work it was biologically engineered to do.
I get it. The habit makes sense. The bathroom has always been a liminal space: not quite a part of our daily social contract, yet not wholly separate from it either. Historically, this is where humans have tried to entertain themselves. Newspapers, crossword puzzles, shampoo bottles with weirdly compelling label copy—these were our previous toilet companions. The phone is just a more advanced iteration of the same impulse. But here’s the problem: unlike a bottle of Herbal Essences, your phone is specifically designed to hijack your attention and turn a 45-second process into a 15-minute odyssey of notifications, algorithmically curated videos, and a sudden deep dive into the tragic downfall of some ‘90s celebrity you hadn’t thought about in years.
Your Brain Needs a Break. Even on the Toilet.
Bringing your phone into the bathroom is the intellectual equivalent of eating a pint of ice cream while having dinner—it’s too much stimulation at once, and it ruins both experiences. Your brain needs unstructured time. It needs boredom. It needs moments of nothingness, where ideas can percolate in the background. You’d be amazed at the number of problems you could solve and brilliant ideas you could generate if you weren’t too busy debating strangers in the comment section of a viral video about airline seat etiquette.
People who are constantly consuming—even if it’s just reading sports scores while wiping—never give their minds a chance to process anything. That’s why you probably can’t remember half the things you read in the bathroom yesterday. Your brain is treating it like junk data, because it is junk data.
Stop Acting Like You Need to Be Productive on the Toilet
Some of you are already rationalizing your behavior: But I check my emails! I catch up on news! I’m using my time efficiently! No, you’re not. You are not solving major work problems from the comfort of the porcelain throne. You are not making strategic life decisions while waiting for your body to finish digesting last night’s Chipotle. You’re watching a video of a raccoon stealing a sandwich, followed by an ad for a mattress that claims to fix all your life problems.
There is nothing efficient about extending your bathroom stay just to consume more pointless digital noise.
The Solution: Just Poop.
You don’t need a phone in the bathroom. You really don’t. Try it for a week. Just sit there. Think. Reflect. Maybe even—brace yourself—read a book. (A real book, not an eBook.) Or better yet, stare at the wall and let your mind wander. It’ll feel weird at first, like quitting caffeine or deciding to stop wearing socks to bed. But after a while, you’ll start to notice something strange:
You’re less distracted. You get in and out faster. Your thoughts feel clearer. You might even rediscover the simple joy of just existing for a few minutes without being bombarded by digital stimuli.
Your toilet isn’t a mobile office. It’s not a screening room. It’s not a place to fill the void with more content. It’s a place to take a dump and move on with your day. So stop making it weird.