I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your dream of finding a partner who checks every single box, never annoys you, and always makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside? That’s a fantasy. A myth. A lie sold to us by Hollywood, Disney, and every rom-com where two ridiculously attractive people overcome a misunderstanding in the third act and live happily ever after.
Look, I get it. You want to find someone who gets you, who supports you, who makes life easier and better. That’s a good thing. But if you’re holding out for perfection, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Maybe forever.
Love Isn’t Found—It’s Built
Here’s the hard truth: love isn’t about discovering a flawless person. It’s about choosing someone, every single day, who is deeply flawed but still worth it. Someone who gets under your skin, who sometimes makes you want to scream, but who also makes life richer, deeper, and more meaningful.
We’ve been trained to believe that the perfect relationship means never fighting, never disagreeing, never feeling annoyed. That’s nonsense. Real relationships involve friction. Conflict. Growth. Two people who have different upbringings, values, and quirks smashing into each other and learning how to make it work.
Perfection is a cop-out. It’s an excuse to stay single, to avoid vulnerability, to protect yourself from the messy, complicated, breathtaking experience of being truly known by another person.
What You Should Be Looking For
Instead of searching for the “perfect” partner, look for someone who:
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Shares your values – Not your favorite TV shows or hobbies, but your core values. How do they handle money? What do they believe about family, faith, integrity? These things matter.
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Communicates openly – Not perfectly, but openly. Do they take ownership when they mess up? Do they listen, even when it’s hard?
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Shows up for you – Not just when it’s convenient, but when it’s hard. When you’re struggling, when life hits, when things aren’t fun.
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Makes an effort – Relationships take work. If they’re not willing to put in the time, the energy, and the humility to grow, that’s a red flag.
Notice what’s missing from this list? Perfection. No one is going to be everything you ever dreamed of. And even if you did find someone who seemed perfect, they’d drive you nuts within six months.
The Hardest—and Best—Truth About Love
The best relationships aren’t built on finding someone who makes you happy 100% of the time. They’re built on two imperfect people who choose each other, over and over again, through the good and the bad.
So stop looking for perfection. Look for someone real. Someone who will love you when you’re at your best and stick with you when you’re at your worst. And be ready to do the same for them.
Because that? That’s what love actually looks like.