Secrets can be tricky for kids to navigate. On the surface, they might all seem the same—someone tells you not to share something, and you feel the weight of keeping it to yourself. But as educators, parents, and caregivers, it’s crucial to teach children that not all secrets are safe.
Some secrets are fun and exciting, like planning a surprise party or keeping a birthday present hidden until the big day. These “safe secrets” have a clear end point—eventually, the person in question will know the truth, and everyone gets to celebrate together. But the reality is, safe secrets are rare.
Far more common are “unsafe secrets”—secrets that make a child feel uncomfortable, scared, or burdened. These could include:
- Someone telling them not to tell an adult about something that happened.
- Being asked to keep a secret about inappropriate or harmful behavior.
- A situation where they feel pressured or unsure but are told they must stay silent.
Unsafe secrets are never okay to keep, and kids need to hear that repeatedly. The message should be simple:
If a secret makes you feel bad, scared, or worried, tell a trusted adult right away.
Safe Adults Don’t Need a Child’s Help
Another important safety lesson is helping children understand that safe adults don’t ask kids for help.
A safe adult—whether a teacher, a parent, or a family friend—knows that asking a child for help in certain situations isn’t appropriate. If an adult genuinely needs assistance with something like finding their lost pet, getting directions, or carrying something to their car, they should be asking another adult, not a child.
This is a critical red flag for kids to recognize. If an adult approaches them with a request that makes them uncomfortable, they should feel empowered to say no and seek help from a trusted grown-up immediately.
Practical Ways to Teach These Lessons
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Use Real-Life Scenarios – Walk kids through different examples so they can practice recognizing safe and unsafe secrets. “What if your best friend tells you they’re getting a new puppy, but it’s a surprise for their little brother?” (Safe.) “What if an older cousin says, ‘Don’t tell anyone, but I took something from the store’?” (Unsafe.)
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Role-Playing Responses – Practice what kids can say if they’re put in an uncomfortable situation. Simple scripts like, “I don’t keep secrets from my parents,” or “I need to check with my teacher first” can give them the confidence to react in real life.
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Emphasize Trusted Adults – Encourage kids to identify several safe adults they can go to if they ever feel uncomfortable. This helps them build confidence in seeking help when needed.
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Normalize Speaking Up – Kids need to know they won’t get in trouble for sharing something that makes them feel uneasy. The rule should always be: If you’re not sure, tell a trusted adult.
Final Thoughts
Children should never feel responsible for keeping an unsafe secret or helping an adult in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. By teaching these lessons early—and reinforcing them often—we equip kids with the skills they need to stay safe, trust their instincts, and speak up when something doesn’t feel right.
Because when it comes to protecting our kids, knowledge isn’t just power—it’s safety.