I’m 34M, she’s 31F. I know ultimately there’s nothing I can do but feeling so absolutely gutted over this one. I went on a substantial amount of dates last year and this was the first girl I really saw a future with.
timeline:
Matched last year but she deleted her account.
Matched again in January. Had a brilliant first date. Loads in common. Kept extending it to other bars. Her dad had recently had a heart attack and we bonded over that as mine did too so I knew what she was going through. Walked her home and we kissed.
Second date to a comedy show. Really good vibes. Laughing together. Having a great time. Went to a bar after. She was touching my hand over the table. And we were holding hands playing with them. She mentioned a gig . Finished with a kiss again. I walked home through town on top of the world after this.
Third date went for a coffee and a walk along the coast. She opened up about having an eating disorder 10 years ago and how her mum didn’t handle it well. I appreciated her opening up to me. She mentioned on date 2 her favourite biscuit and I saw them in the shop so bought them for her. This was our first sober date and I didn’t kiss and thought I ruined it. She text after to say how grateful she was for the biscuits.
We kept chatting and I set up a 4th date. Went for food and some drinks after. We held hands over the table ALL night. She kept extending it wanting to stay out with me. Walked her home and she invited me in. Joked about me not kissing last week and she said she was waiting for me to. Slept together. Really good sex. Made her orgasm. Then in the morning when sober had sex again. Another orgasm. She really cuddled in to me, holding my arm around her. Spooning deeply. I left on my own accord at 2pm after she made me breakfast in bed and having talked all morning.
5th date. She was feeling sick all week with a cold. On Friday I suggested a takeaway and movie, something chilled. She agreed but said she was sleepy. I gave her a clear out and said if you’re sleepy we don’t have to meet I won’t take offence if you say no. She said come over. Soon as I arrived she lay her head on me and we cuddled watching a film. We were laughing and joking and play fighting. Everything felt so good. She said we were like ying and yang and balanced each other out. She’s quite stressed and I’m chilled and we got along so well as we fitted like a jigsaw piece. We ended up making out and I stayed over again. Sex was great again.
And now the downfall. I was meant to see her tonight but she cancelled and said she feels too unwell to go to a gig. She was fine Fri and yesterday she went to her friends and they went to the pub and were drinking. Something happened yesterday and she’s gone cold. She cancelled the plans today 2 hours before and that was the first text I got from her all day. I just don’t get it. Everything was going so well. Her phone was face-up all night on the table on our last date and the condom box she handed me the first time was a full pack, so I don’t think she’s seeing multiple people. But to get to 5 dates is such a long effort in today’s dating scene with the countless failed first dates, I really thought we were bonding and developing together.
I really can’t go back to dating on step one again dealing with first dates. Why would she open up to me, hold hands with me and play with my hands and fingers. Have sex multiple times.
Caveats – She has admitted to self sabotaging things and is an avoidant. She had a tarot reading last week and they said she would meet someone but he isn’t the man for you. What if she believes that?
I text that I hope she feels better and not heard from her since. She used to text every hour.
Would therapy help me with my anxieties and anxious attachment in dating?
I feel empty inside and just want to cry at this point. Finding someone to love in 2025 is next to impossible. It seems to happen so easily for everyone around me but me.
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