We live in a world that struggles to accept feelings—our own and other people’s. When someone expresses anger, sadness, disappointment, or frustration, the response is often something like:
- You’re overreacting.
- It’s not that big of a deal.
- Other people have it worse.
- You shouldn’t feel that way.
This impulse—telling people they shouldn’t feel how they feel—comes from a good place, most of the time. We want to soothe. We want to fix. We want to make discomfort go away, whether it’s ours or someone else’s.
But here’s the thing: Feelings aren’t things to be debated. They aren’t problems to be solved. They just are.
Why Feelings Aren’t a Debate
One of the biggest misconceptions about emotions is that they need to be rational to be valid. But emotions aren’t courtroom arguments. You don’t have to justify why you feel hurt, frustrated, or overwhelmed. You just do.
Many of us are conditioned to dismiss emotions—especially our own—because we believe they aren’t “reasonable” enough to count:
- I shouldn’t be upset about this; other people have it worse.
- I shouldn’t be angry; they didn’t mean to hurt me.
- I shouldn’t be sad; it’s not a big deal.
But emotions aren’t logical equations. They are instinctive, shaped by our biology, past experiences, and even the way we were raised to process feelings. Trying to argue with an emotion doesn’t make it disappear—it just adds shame or guilt on top of it.
Why People Are Entitled to Their Emotions
If emotions aren’t choices, then they don’t need permission to exist. Here’s why everyone is entitled to what they feel:
1. Emotions Are Automatic
People don’t wake up in the morning and decide how to feel. Our emotional responses are shaped by past experiences, personal history, and even biological factors like sleep, hormones, and stress levels. If someone feels sad, anxious, or angry, that feeling is real—whether or not it makes sense to you.
2. Suppressing Emotions Doesn’t Work
When we deny or suppress emotions, they don’t just disappear. Instead, they linger beneath the surface, often showing up in unexpected ways—like stress, irritability, or even physical symptoms. Giving yourself (and others) permission to feel emotions fully is a necessary step in working through them.
3. Emotions Offer Important Information
Feelings are signals. Anxiety might be telling you something in your life feels uncertain. Anger might be pointing to a boundary being crossed. Sadness might be highlighting an unmet need. Instead of dismissing emotions, it’s more productive to acknowledge them and ask, What is this telling me?
Why It’s Hard to Accept Other People’s Feelings
Even when we acknowledge our own emotions, accepting other people’s feelings—especially when they make us uncomfortable—can be a challenge. When someone is upset with you, the instinct is to defend yourself. When a friend is struggling, it’s tempting to jump straight to solutions. But in doing so, we often invalidate their emotions.
- “That’s not what I meant!” might be true, but it doesn’t erase how someone feels.
- “You’re taking it the wrong way.” shifts blame instead of acknowledging their perspective.
- “Just be grateful for what you have.” ignores the complexity of human emotion.
Instead of debating whether someone should feel the way they do, try acknowledging it:
- “I can see why that upset you.”
- “That sounds really frustrating.”
- “I hear you.”
You don’t have to agree with someone’s emotional reaction to respect it.
Validating Feelings Without Letting Them Take Over
Honoring emotions doesn’t mean letting them dictate your actions. You can acknowledge what you feel without being consumed by it. Feeling hurt doesn’t mean you have to lash out. Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you have to avoid everything. Feeling angry doesn’t mean you have to burn bridges.
The goal isn’t to suppress or exaggerate emotions—it’s to allow them, understand them, and decide what to do with them.
Final Thought: Emotions Are Part of Being Human
At the end of the day, emotions are an unavoidable part of life. They don’t need to be rational. They don’t need permission. They just are. The more we accept that—both in ourselves and in others—the healthier our relationships (and our own well-being) will be.