How do I raise kids who are kind, confident, and decent human beings? And behind that question is another one: How do I not screw this up?
Let’s start here: Parenting isn’t about making sure your kids have a perfect childhood. It’s about teaching them how to be strong, kind, and resilient adults.
1. Be the Person You Want Them to Be
You want your kids to be kind? Be kind. You want them to be disciplined? Show them what discipline looks like. Kids don’t do what you say. They do what you do. If they see you treating the waiter with respect, speaking kindly to your spouse, showing up when it’s hard—guess what? That’s who they’ll become. They are watching you. All the time.
2. Teach Them How to Handle Hard Things
One of the greatest gifts you can give your kid is the ability to sit with discomfort. Life is tough. They’re going to get their hearts broken. They’re going to fail. They’re going to feel like they’re not good enough. Your job is not to protect them from all of that—it’s to walk with them through it. Let them struggle. Teach them that they are strong enough to handle it.
3. Model Healthy Relationships
Your kids are learning about love and friendship from you. Do you yell at your spouse? Do you ghost your friends when things get tough? Do you bottle up your feelings until you explode? If so, that’s what they’ll do, too. Show them what it means to be in relationships where people are seen, heard, and valued.
4. Let Them Fail (and Let It Hurt)
It is brutal watching your kid fail. Seeing them come in last at the race, bomb a test, or get left out of the friend group. Everything in you will want to fix it, make the pain go away. But if you rescue them every time, they’ll never learn how to get back up. They need to fail. They need to feel it. And they need to learn that failure isn’t the end—it’s just part of the process.
5. Teach Them That Life Isn’t About Them
The world does not revolve around your kid. And if you raise them to believe it does, they’re in for a rude awakening. Teach them to serve. To show up for others. To do the right thing even when no one is watching. The best way to do this? Do it yourself. Take them to volunteer. Show them what it means to live generously.
6. Let Them See You Apologize
You will mess up. You will lose your temper, say the wrong thing, forget the big game. The best thing you can do? Own it. Apologize. Show them what humility looks like. They don’t need a perfect parent. They need a parent who is honest, self-aware, and willing to make things right.
7. Make Your Home a Safe Place
The world is loud, mean, and exhausting. Your home should not be. It should be the place where they know they are loved, seen, and safe. Create a home where they can ask questions, make mistakes, and be themselves without fear. That doesn’t mean there are no rules. It means the rules are built on love, not control.
8. Remember: You Are Not Raising Kids. You Are Raising Adults.
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day of parenting—getting them to eat vegetables, clean their rooms, do their homework. But take a step back. You’re not just raising kids. You are raising future spouses, friends, coworkers, community members. Keep your eyes on the big picture.
Parenting is messy. It’s exhausting. And you’re going to get it wrong sometimes. But if you show up, love them well, and lead by example—you are already on the right path.
So, keep going. Your kids don’t need perfect parents. They just need you.